im truely ok now

vanishing love-x japan

I'M BORED TO DEATH (GO MAD)
kabe ni tobi-chiru SPRINTER OF GLASS (SHED BLOOD)
kaerimiru kako ni mushibamare chi wo nagasu
I COME TO MY SENSE (AT LAST)
azakeri-warai OUTSIDER
subete kudake-chiru kaikan ni me wo samasu
kioku ni yaki-tsuku omae no
sugata chi HEAD de haki-sutero
I DON'T WANNA VASHINING LOVE
BREAK OUT OF (MY MOLD)
kagami ni utsuru FALSE FACE (BREAK UP)
mi-ushinai-kaketa yokubou wo baku-kesu toki
MAKE A PAST (AT GIRL)
maboroshi ni mita A REAL KNOCK OUT
kichigai-jimita kairaku ni ake-kurero
* karami-tsuku omae no genei wasurarenai kurushimi
chi-mayou kokoro no kakera wa kage mo katachi mo nai yume wo
ima mo oi-tsuzuiteru tsukurareta kyouki-yosooi
"I CAN'T STAND"
HOW I TRY TO DECIVE MYSELF HOW
"WAITING FOR YOU"
IF TEAR TURN IN TO BLOOD
"CAN'T GET AWAY"
HOW I TRY TO DECIVE MYSELF
"PORTRAIT OF YOU"
NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY
I CAN'T LOSE TRACK OF YOU I MISSEDcan't lose track of you I missed
# INJURY DEEP INSIDE MY HEART STILL REMAIN
CUT UP MY HEART, YOU LIVE
IN MY ILLUSION YOU GO AWAY
I STAND ROOTED TO THE SPOT (2X)
* repeat
# repeat
(LAUGH AT ME) BEING AT MY WIT'S END
(LAUGH AT ME) EVEN IF IT'S A FORCED SMILE
(LAUGH AT ME) BEING AT MY WIT'S END


forever love-x japan
Mou hitori de arukenai
Toki no kaze ga tsuyosugite
Ah kizu tsuku koto nante
Nareta hazu dakedo ima wa...
Ah kono mama dakishimete
Nureta mama no kokoro wo
Kawari tsuzukeru kono toki ni
Kawaranai ai ga aru nara
Will you hold my heart
Namida uketomete
Mou kowaresou na All my heart
Forever love Forever dream
Afureru omoi dake ga
Hageshiku setsunaku jikan wo umetsukusu
Oh tell me why
All I see is blue in my heart
Will you stay with me
Kaze ga sugisaru made
Mata afuredasu All my tears
Forever love Forever dream
Kono mama soba ni ite
Yoake ni furueru kokoro wo dakishimete
Oh stay with me
Ah subete ga owareba ii
Owari no nai kono yoru ni
Ah ushinau mono nante
Nanimo nai anata dake
Forever love Forever dream
Kono mama soba ni ite
Yoake ni furueru kokoro wo dakishimete
Ah will you stay with me
Kaze ga sugisaru made
Mou dare yori mo soba ni
Forever love Forever dream
Kore ijou arukenai
Oh tell me why Oh tell me true
Oshiete ikiru imi wo
Forever love Forever dream
Afureru namida no naka
Kagayaku kisetsu ga eien ni kawaru made
Forever love
english translation

I can't walk by myself anymore
The winds of time are too strong
Ah, what a wounding thing
I should have gotten used to it, but right now. .
Ah, hold me the way I am
My heart, damp as it is
Is being changed at this moment
If unchanging love is there

Will you hold my heart
Catch my tears
All my heart is ready to break
Forever love, forever dream
Only overflowing thoughts
Terribly, sorrowfully, bury all time
Oh tell me why
All I see is blue in my heart
Will you stay with me
Until the wind passes
All my tears start to overflow again
Forever love, forever dream
Be with me this way
Hold my trembling heart in the dawn
Oh stay with me
Ah, I wish everything were ended
Nothing is ended in this night
Ah, what a loss it is
There's nothing at all, only you
Forever love, forever dream
Be with me this way
Hold my trembling heart in the dawn

Ah will you stay with me
Until the wind passes
Now more than anyone else, with me
Forever love, forever dream
I can't walk farther than this
Oh tell me why, oh tell me true
Tell me what it means to live
Forever love, forever dream
Amidst overflowing tears
Until the shining season changes to eternity
Forever love

kurenai-x japan

I couldn't look back, you'd gone away from me.
I felt my heartache, I was afraid of following you.
When I had looked at the shadows on the wall,
I started running into the night to find the truth in me.
Arashi fuku kono machi ga omae o daku
Fukinukeru kaze ni sae me o tojiru
Nanika ni owareru you
Ore ga mienai no ka?
Sugu soba ni iru no ni
Hitonami ni kiete yuku kioku no toiki
Ai no nai hitori butai mou taekirenai
All of you in my memory is still shining in my heart.
Surechigau kokoro wa afureru namida ni nure
Kurenai ni somatta kono ore o
Nagusameru yatsu wa mou inai
Mou nido to todokanai kono omoi
Tozasareta ai ni mukai sakebi tsuzukeru
Omae wa hashiridasu
Nanika ni owareru you
Ore ga mienai no ka?
Sugu soba ni iro no ni
Kurenai ni somatta kono ore o
Nagusameru yatsu wa mou inai
Mou nido to todokanai kono omoi
Tozasareta ai ni mukai sakebi tsuzukeru
Kurenai ni somatta kono ore o
Nagusameru yatsu wa mou inai
Oh, crying in deep red.


english translation

I couldn't look back, you'd gone away from me.
I felt my heartache, I was afraid of following you.
When I had looked at the shadows on the wall,
I started running into the night to find the truth in me.
A storm blows in, I would embrace you
Even in the blowing wind, my eyes are closed
Maybe something is over
Can't you see me?
If only you were here
The ordinary disappears in the sigh of a memory
With the end of love, the person on the stage expires
All of you in my memory is still shining in my heart.
Passed over, my heart is wet with overflowing tears
I am colored in deep red
A guy to be comforted, I am not
Twice more and these thoughts cannot happen
Perhaps love will continue to scream
I run to you
Maybe something is over
Can't you see me?
If only you were right here
I am colored in deep red
A guy to be comforted, I am not
Twice more and these thoughts cannot happen
Perhaps love will continue to scream
I am colored in deep red
A guy to be comforted, I am not
Oh, crying in deep red.

cell grp was very meaningful for me today.
talks abt diappointments in life and wad not.


anyway, feels fine today. i dun think abt her as much anymore. that's a gd sign.

yesterday xy told me not to worry abt it. and if i cant look at jayce anymore, then big deal. bring around pictures of risa of fuits basket(oh....risa is soo....cute lar! seriously!)and coo at the pic. im like 0_o.

then she said she does that with gackt and bou adn she carries those photos arnd and say: aren't they chio?

*raised eyebrows*

she added that it shldn't be so bad if i use the pic of risa...since most pple would agree taht she is cute.

im like er.....


anyways, sinyi...like i said last year, not to be confused with xy....told me that her exp is similar and that normally the other party doesn't give a damn if u look as if ur suffering. that's wad she does. she always makes herself look as if she's suffering in front of him..i guess....

i mean...deosn't wad she say suggest that?

but for me i understand a this from last year.

1) the more u seem to suffer- the more ur frens think ur weird and get exasperated with u
2) the more u seem to suffer, the crazier the things u say, the scarier the things u say.
3)the more u suffer, the more u cannot pychoi urself to move on
4) the more u seem to suffer, the more it seems that u cannot let go of the inevitable...which means u cannot cont as frens.


plus im sure that she never wanted to hurt me...even tho it seems like a neccessary evil. therefore, so that she wont feel so guilty and wadnot-i'll try not to be disturbed. act as if all that happened between the two of us..never happened. that's my little way of trying to redeem myself. that's my way of apologizing, of saying im sorry. wad do i noe abt her. not much. but my feelings tell me that she's the kind who'll feel guilty if i were hurt bad. that's just a guess. i think she's just too kind(why else do u think she never confronted me abt this issue one on one?)- but in my opinion...to a fault. i mean...i'd rather she be open abt it and tell me.

oh WTF

who cares?

not me anymore.

i have moved on. for real.

./end