stupid course

crap..now staying back due to soem stupid course which i cannot pon otherwise have to pay $10. crap

anyway, guitar prac was up to 10 plus yesterday got home abt 1140 and slept at 1. damned late i noe. i had only 4 hrs of sleep today.

urgh

anyway, here's soemthing i find very disturbing.

everyone seems to give a damn abt me and my feelings for jayce.

why chongming approached me and said: wad's this business abt u liking soem gal?

crap...why on earth would he noe and why would it be his business?

then sports day yesterday, 4hrs of duty. spposed to be zero initially. cos i was put in reserves. but since no mnay failed to turn up for duty i had to cover alll shifts. urgh. the only casualty that day, a gal who sprained her ankle. at teh end of sports day somemore. so we were packing up when this guy rushed to us and said soemone sprained her ankle. then mdm zharina was like: the idiot!

it's like she choose a bad time to sprain her ankle. lolz.

anyway so there was one event when i was talking to aloysious and the guys from SFC, if u recall is jayce's CCA.

so aloy was like asking me: "why aren't u running"

"who should i be running for?"

"i think u noe the ans"*in a very suggestive tone*
that seems to suggest he noes abt jayce

but i really meant " do u expect me to run for my class?"

nvm

anyway, then the SFC guys were talking soemthing abt jayce. i dun really noe wad...but the used her name and refered to teh vice prez so they were talking abt her alrite. soemthing very scandalous.

i have a feeling it goes back down to me abgain...haiz...


also, was talking with the SFC guys yah? and i was introduced to this guy Caleb. well, i din noe his name, so io asked for his name. he din ask for mine. 2 possibilities. 1 he already knew my name bcos of teh jayce fiasco. or 2, he doesn't give a damn wad my name was. wad do u think?

anyway, pple in guitar seem to tease me as if im some sort of super soldier or something. seriously.

when someone suggested arm wrestling for games for cam,p, mr cahn said ...aiyoh dun...confirm anxian will win one....

-_-lll

but yesterday was worse, . u see we climbed over teh fence again... and then it was like i climbed over teh fence even b4 most of them even got to the fence. so when they got to the fence , they saw me...on the other side of teh fence. the wayne was liek saying. hey anxian, ur faking one rite, u din climb from this fence....u climbed from that one!*points to teh fence that's 2-3 storey's high. then after that u ju,mped from the top izzit? aiyah this small fence no kick for u one lah..

0_o

wayne! are u out of ur mind!


anyway, 1 observatuon i realised.

gackt fans and ayuni fans dun mix well for nuts
ayumi fans like my cousin and gary, feeel that gackt is TOOO wierd

while gackt fans like me and my sis feel taht ayumi is too plain.

hhaha

that's so funny.

./end

to feel teh fire!

yesterday.

co concert.

was with jayce and gang

the first grp i saw so i sat with them.

conc was nice.

hunagyu was damned pro.

walke to bus stop...following her.

extended escot service. din want anything bad to hapen to her.in an email sent to me by a fren, it talks abt criteria a rapist find when finding a victim...and jayce meets 90% of teh criteria...so im like RRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG

alarm bells
worse...9.20 pm somemore so late, the ways so dark. so i escoted her lor. to the bus stop. then after she boarded her bus i smsed her "reach home safely"

then she replied"thx u too"...

one hand im happy that she replied...the other hand im like-_-lll liddat no need to sms one..

anyways... thx to munfong. he gave me some advice and stuff.

so i can feel teh fire once again..

" i need teh fire, fire , fire.....to keep me warm i gotta feel teh fire...'

ok, me a bit the mad today

so sorry

:P

b4 i 4get. yah. cheemun invited me to the s13 class bbq..for...u noe wad purpose. he's an ally. but i dunno if i shld go or not. could make it akward for her le...hmm...i dunno. but they noe i wanna go..so...
./loves.jayce/trusts.lord/happy/end

stupid munfong...

why did he have to do it?

*irritated*

i thought i'll forget abt jayce.

almost did. tehn munfong, taht's yibo's bf, (yibo was teh one who saqid taht jayce''l be happier if i left) came up to me and asked me why i aske dfro advice from yibo.
"you should ask advice from me wad.."

then he went on to ask:" first i must ask u...do u really love jayce...it's not one of those one time thing. it must be like a committment. do u think of her when u u bathe, do u think of her when u sleep..etc...

i kept my silence...not knowing if i should continue. after all, i wanted to end it. but after a while, i replied him via sms: teh answers to ur questions were yes, yes and yes. it's strange really, but that was a bad start. hrs later teh same feelings came aqbt and im back where i left, dammit.

darn him...

at least he said he'll help....soemhow.

duuno how taht's spposed to work...urgh...confused!

./reignite teh fire....crap...

ok. updates.

1stly, sunday morning felt very different. so did monday morning. it was strange but for those two days i wasn't thinking abt jayce at all. those two days. she felt just liek any other stranger. maybe i have lost those feelings. tuesday came and i strated feeling again. i knew that i should disengage. i smsed one of her gal frens: yibo. asked if jayce would be happier if i stopped liking her and gave up. yibo replied: 'yes definitely:)" im like...u could have jsut said yes without the :)....that was reallly quite bad fro me and it felt quite bad. quite.

matsh assignment came back, not gd, only 50%. but i did it in a rush so it's expected. after all i had to redo it after losing my pad. tuesday was supposed to be horrid. yet i came home rather "high" as my sister said. few possiblities:1) i've gone mad 2) soemone shot me with prozac(which also suppresses the sex drive-maybe that's why!) but thw most probable one is 3)(trying not to sound tyoo preachy here) my conversion. my WWWADDDD!? u say. conversion. im changing religion. used to eb free thinker...sort of... changing tho not yet complete...into christian. now i noe many of u think that im doing thsi for jayce. i assure u it's not. in fact it's only happening the past few days, and alos as a result of me noeing for certain that im not doing for jayce. u c...i'd have doen so a lil earlier...if i wasn't so sure if i was doing for her or not. i did not want to convert just for teh sake of her. that will be too shalllow and thta'll be for teh wrong reason. so after much encouragement from charles and victor im gonna finally convert. so why was i so high on tues? no idea. maybe it's teh sharing abt teh bible on tues. i dunno. it made me feel alot better. altho under normal circumstances i would've been very sad...and would start crying. but things jsut changed. perhaps it's the feeling taht im no longer alone. perhaps. it's been soemthing i have been searching all my life for. a place to belong and company to hang out with...tho technically, im stilll alone...but u noe that he will be there for u when u need him. maybe. still new in this. the truth will surface eventually.

oh yes,zhin thet, my fren who wants to convert to christianity as well, well, he decided to join soem church. he lives in bukit panjang...and so does jayce.... will be wondering whether they might meet.will be funny if tehy do tho....i think.

probably teh last tiem i'll talk abt jayce in this blog...probably...ok, she got grade 2 for PW, but when i aksed her abt her blk test she was a bit unhappy. seriously i thot she would have kicked my ass fro blk test, but she told me she din study thsi time and only got EEF. ok...it's ok...but im soemwad scepticle. if a mugger liek her(no offense mdm if ur reading this) who studies in the library so often gets EEF, wad abt a slacker liek me? doesn't taht mean my BBCE grades where underserving? wad abt my BADA gradesv last year...woah. anyway, if ur wondering i only got a grade 3. and only 8 ppeple in my schl got garde 1. that's lesss than 1%. compared to jj's 40% ort HC 98%...it's crazy. so im sure u heard the news abt the online petition by malcom koh to review our PW teaching style. i was 1 of teh 287 pple who signed. and then yesterday, teh DP came after teh schl saying taht they need to be given some time, and that an online petition was too extreme for such a timeframe. oh wells in my defence i shall state that this is only to speed up teh process and to highlight it, just in case they cant see it. as far as i noe, schls never liek to admit tehir mistakes most of eth tiem, and all teh bureaucracu coems in. which is why i firmly believed in such petitions.

anyway, so thsi week i lose 3 hrs of gp today and yesterday cos my tutor's on course. woot. but tehn tml, i have s apper training at 5...on my short ady that ends at 1245. sad. gonna watch anime tml. haha. of cos if were still stalking jayce or wadever u want to call it. i would have liekd suchj an arrangement for her days ends late on thurs(info courtesy fo velu). but u noe. im not. so it sux...*urgh...*

anyway, i was todl to share wad i feel abt converting by my mentor, zeo(yes i have a mentor...now, who used to b from sa)..so does blogging count :P hhaa

./end
(converting......10%)

crazy abt u

crazy about you-luna sea

Tatoeba kono te de tenshi wo tsukamae
Todokenu omoi wo tsutae ni ikitai
Omoi ha itsudemo hakanai mama de toori sugiteku
Tokashite kurenaika? kono mune no okun o tojikometa kotoba taiyou no youni
Omoi ha itsudemo hakanai mama de toori sugiteku
Kasukana itami to shinjita ashita wo subete ima kimi ni sasageyou
CRAZY ABOUT YOU I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU
Afureru omoi wo daite
CRAZY ABOUT YOU I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU
Hatenai yoru wo koete
Netsu wo ubau kawaita kono tokai de
Tsutsunde hoshii tokireru made
Netsu wo ubau kawaita kono tokai de
Kowaresouna kodoku no naka samayoi aruku
Toki wo tomete kanaunara kimi no koto
Tsutsunde itai tokireru made
CRAZY ABOUT YOU I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU
Kono mama itami no naka de
CRAZY ABOUT YOU I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU
Afureru omoi wo daite
CRAZY ABOUT YOU I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU
Hatenai yoru wo koete
CRAZY ABOUT YOU I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU
Ima kimi no koto to kanjiteru
CRAZY ABOUT YOU...

anyway, these days teh guitarists from s13 have been teasing me alot.y es, s13 is her class.
u noe as quater master we do pple alot of favors by bring stuff here and there.

these days the s13 pple would say thx alot, i'll tell jayce abt u.

jayce is her for ur information.

and i dun care abt subtlties. the whole truth was blown right open from day 1 as it seems. urgh.

anyway. guitar was very hilarious.

our conductor was very funny today...just to give a few examples...

" ok...i want u to put this down..the fingering is 11432....141...141...that's sounds like some sale....*1 4 1...1 4 1..and tehn u buy more*"*-denotes singing

" i dunno why gals want to put softeners on their feet. i mean today ui got this calll from a gal...and tehn there was thsi echooy sound so i knew she was calling from teh toilet so i asked her:' u callling from teh toilet ah?' and she said:' oh im soaking my feet to soften them' and im like why do u want to soften ur feet...wont it hurt more when u walk? my goodness ur boyfriend must be REALLY kinky huh?"

" guitar 4 and 2...both of u r suppose to represent teh waves crashing down on the beach. so ok, let's strat from the top...guiatr 4 and 2 get ready, 1, 2,3..."(guiatars 2 and 4 playing)" swoosh...#ggaaa...gaaaa..gggaaa#(seagull sounds)" ensemble laughs" wad? im seriosu..u shld do all these so that we can produce an image in the audeince"

funny huh?

anyway..found out 1 more thing. he's damend cool..nit just able to paly guiatr well, but also able to speak fluent german...uber cool....
lolz

very weird today at lecture. found myself staring st into her when walking into fmath lecture. we were walking in from teh two exits at the two sides...so as we got to our usual seats, we happen to go in a direct course. altho our separation was like m...i was liek kena electrocuted le...strong electric firld sia...high voltage...woah

oh noes....lovesick again...urgh...

./end

death wish

have u ever felt one of those days where u hate ur life so much, feel like dying just for the sake of dying.

one of those days

maybe it's pms(which is wad xy would probably say).mayebe it's the stupid grades i get. maybe it's teh stupid DP2...maybe it's abt her...or maybe it's the stupid camp.

i guess they all add up.

1st let me talk abt teh camp. it's up to sunday morning..so i'll be stuck in this heelhole for the next 48hrs...yeah..i dont reallly like this schl. theonly consolation i find is her...and that's not much. anyway, there goes my weekend, my tutorials...and possibly my grades as well.
hell,im already giving them my fri and wed night.
now guitar is taking MOST of my weekends.
really pissed with guitar. not teh pple but the CCA. urgh. and mr wong saw me today, asked for my grades then asked why i did so badly. "guitar sn't so busy right?'

nonsense! wad with all these stupid camps and teh concert. hate it lots. wed released at 9.10 pm..got home abt 10.30 and my mother was screaming her ass off...urgh..

angry

anyway stupid DP2 asked to meet 4 subbers. told us to drop our 4th subject. wad teh F*@k?!
"drop ur weakest subject..."
oh for god's sake i got an E for mathc. want me to drop mathc and take fmath?
" think with teh end in mind..."
the end of everyone's life is in death...so think with teh end in mind...think abt how i want to die?always hated this morons who try to sound philosophical but end up sounding like a downright idiot.
anyway...how stupid was she? a memeber of teh public complained that a student was rude and alll...and that teh student was idenitfied" By teh SA logo on the badge"
that's utterly moronic... NO ONE IN SAJC WEARS A BADGE WITH OUR LOGO!...it's the sas boys lah!(oh for crying out loud)

ok..in case u never knew....XY understands that i get moodswings periodicallly. therefore she comments that i have pms at times.

but right nowlet's talk abt her... yesterday when she was doing scripture reading(her second tiem this year) she was looking a little flustered...so i figured that she was a lil...make that very stressed..withy life concert and alll. so later when i went home, i smsed her asking if she was ok. of cos i can see she's not ok...and not like i can do anything...but least to say....i think it's nice to noe taht there are pple who care and such stuff so i did that. anyway, no replies this time so OOOHHH CRAP...i think i screwed up this tiem. altho everything seemed normal this morning...i think it's a ticking time bomb...

anyway, im was very suspicious of nelson yesterday. he asked if i was going for life concert teh christian rock concert and all...initially...i was thinking shld i? i decided taht if i can get i tix i'll go...just for fun. but i couldn't so i was liek: oh wells wadever...then he was liek: if u REALLY want to go, it's opk to go without a tix. by then i was liek: nah..too risky...i'll forget abt it. ok. few things that ran thru my mind. does nelson noe abt it? he's in her class...so shld noe abt it. if he does, is he trying to create opportunity or wadnot? hm...how suspicious

ok, so im very depressed today...

may add other stuff of teh week lateron sunday

death wish-gackt

furueru karada o sotto osae
tonari de nemuru tenshi no kao o nozoita
mita koto mo nai seijaku to chinmoku no naka de
me ni yakitsuita hikari ni unasarete
ashita mo kono yozora ni
ima ni mo koboresou na hoshi wa mirareru no...
kaze ni nabiku kami o yubi ni karame
kimi o dakiyose kuchizuke kawashiteta
ano toki no kimi wa ima no boku to onaji...
tsumetai kaze o hitori de mitsumeteta
ima nara wakariaeru
ano toki no kimi ga nagashita namida no wake sae mo
wasureteita kimi no kaori sae
omoidashite koboreru namida o kazoete
"kimi no uta" sotto kuchizusaminagara
ano hi no you ni yozora ni yubi de egaite
hakondeyuku... kimi no basho e
mou sugu... hora...
deaeru


now im just tired. i want to cry. haven't prepared for the conductor's audition tml or practiced teh pieces for ensemble.

die.


./end

sianz

ok.haven been blogging for some time...

updates

few things:
1- my grades this time sucked....bbc e
b fro physics c for chem, b for Fmaths and e for maths c

wad's that i said?

b for fmaths and e for maths c? did i type wrongly?

hell no. it's true . i did better for fmatsh than my mtahs c by 3 grades...madness

anyway, matsh c paper was quite bad this time. average of schl is ....25%lolz

i was expecting today's fmath tut to be liek this:

ms chan:" aiyoh, anxian, how coem u can score B for famths yet still can get e for maths c ...

"weird"

WTF...



ok...her whole class pretty much noes abt ...well my feelings...

half of tehm have been interrogating me.

the other half smiles at me like ther'e soemthing i dont noe.

then last week's scf dialogue session. i was trying to draw her(again) becos of my sister's comments...abt where needs to eb iomproved and all...

i forgot her class sits behind mine...so apparently...they started whipering-corrections...attempted whispering this:" OMG he's drawing u u noe!"

shit

meanwhile she didn't seem to be affected by it.

or so i hope.

:P

./end(hen)


4th Avenue Cafe-L'arc-En-Ciel

kisetsu wa odayaka ni owari wo tsugetane
irorareta kioku ne yosete
sayonara ai wo kureta ano hito wa
kono hitomi ni yurameiteita
togirenai kimochi nante
hajime kara shinjite nakatta
usuri yuku machinami ni tori nokosareta mama
yukikau ano hitibito ga ima wa
tooku ni kanjirarete
zawamekisae usurete wa
tame iki ni kiete shimau
karaseki ni mitsu merareta
taikutsu na kyuujitsu ni wa
owaru koto naku anata ga nagare tsuzuke teiru
wakatte itemo kitsu kanai furishite
oborete itayo itsudemo
dare no koto omotteru
yokogao demo suteki dattakara
kisetsu wa odayaka ni owari wo tsugetane
irorareta kioku ne yosete
sayonara ai wo kureta ano hito wa
kono hitomi ni yurameiteita
ato dore kurai darou?
soba ni itekureru no wa
sou omoi nagara toki wo kizande itayo
yosete wa kaeshiteku nami no you ni
kono kokoro wa sarawarete
kyou mo machi wa aimo kawawarazu
omoi megurase sorezore ni egaite yuku
sayonara ai wo kureta ano hito wa
tooi sora ni koigogarete
kono hitomi ni yurameteita
usuri yuku machi nami ni tame iki wa koboreta

*totally addicted to larc en ciel*