anomalous day

well, im back from thailand! few stories but honestly too tired to post them. in the meantime i'll just talk abt today which has thus far beeen....anomalous...

let me explain in wad sense it has been anomalous.

welll...the whole day feels like a dream... and somehow reality seems like...well, a dream.

also, if assuming wad my sis said is true that she did not say "sicken child " at me...then i must have been hallucinating...

PC is no longer working...it was still ok just b4 i left for thailand...

phone....NO RECEPTION! well since afternoon.

macs tasted the same way as it should but for some reason i hated it. cant tell why. it's not that im sick of it, given thta i haven't eaten that for like more than 3 weeks but i just didn't feel like eating it.

appetite's a bit off too...dun really feel like eating.

well, one thing.

today is the 19th of dec...and u noe, it's someone's b'day. u noe who.
i've been planning to send a b'day greeting to her since....a long time ago. in fact if i were in thailand, i might've planned to send anyways.

timing couldn't have been better cos i just came back last nite from thailand, so it would've been the first thing i did after i touch down.

but in the ned i didn't.

i didn't want to.

i couldn't do it.

it somehow has become apparent to me that she'll be happier if i dun contact her.

yes. taht is how it is.

on one hand, it's nice to know that pple know ur b'day and send you greetings.

but on the other hand to recieve it from someone who u dun recall, and someone who's not spposed to know. prob very freaky. who knows, she might have changed her hp no..

who knows.

blink of an eye, it's been 9 months since i last saw her.
time really flies. i should've let go.

but im still learning, everyday, even as my world around me starts to crumble, and reality becoems distorted, and fiction takes over my reality.

i am learning to let go. learning to live my life...

it's not easy. but it's a neccessary evil in my life.

maybe someday down the rd in my life, i'll see her again on the streets, and we can both laugh together at how stupid i was. and we'll treat it as one of thoose silly memories of the past, and nothing more.

maybe.

im prob thinking too much.

maybe that's why my head's hurting and my mental stability is falling apart. or maybe it's just a lack of sleep or the jet lag that's affecting me.

cant tell for certain.

im prob crazy today.


but to all the pple who were born this day, 19th dec. cheers, happy b'day and happy holidays. esp for her.

if by some strange chance like 1 in a million kinda chance that you-the reader- happen to be taht her that im talking abt, well...happy b'day anyways. in any case in all likelyhood you're prob not...

i dunno where she is, wad she's doing or even to the extent of who she is now.

wad the hell, i cant even be certain now that she really existed...it feels like she was just part of a distant dream.

as is evident my brains have been shot to pieces.

think i better get some sleep.

maybe tml will be better.
./end