morbiddesires

untitled

2009-07-08T02:09:00.000-07:00

://del file
deleting...
://file deleted

://purge LPU
error with connection to LPU

LPU test.
testing.....
no LPU found

please specify location of LPU.

://end

why i love larc en ciel....

2009-06-30T16:38:00.000-07:00

i'll just give you a few examples and you should see why...

FLOWERS

そう気付いていた午後の光にまだ
僕は眠ってる
想いどおりにならないシナリオはとまどいばかりだけど

今日も会えないからベッドの中目を閉じて
次の次の朝までもこの夢の君に見とれてるよ

いつでも君の笑顔に揺れて
太陽のように強く咲いていたい
胸が痛くて痛くて壊れそうだから
かなわぬ想いならせめて枯れたい!

もう笑えないよ夢の中でさえも同じこと言うんだね
窓の向こう本当の君は今何をしてるんだろう

遠い日の昨日に空っぽの鳥かごを持って
歩いてた僕はきっと君を探してたんだね

彩やかな風に誘われても
夢中で君を追いかけているよ
空は今にも今にも降り注ぐのような青さで
見上げた僕を包んだ

like a flower
flowers bloom in sunlight and I live close to you

いくつもの種をあの丘に浮かべて
きれいな花を敷きつめてあげる
早く見つけて見つけてここにいるから
起こされるのを待ってるのに
いつでも君の笑顔に揺れて
太陽のように強く咲いていたい
胸が痛くて痛くて壊れそうだから
かなわぬ想いならせめて枯れたい!

translation:
Yes, I just noticed. In the afternoon sun,
I am still here, sleeping,
wondering why the scenarios in my head aren't going as planned. But,

because I can't see you today, I'll just lie in my bed, eyes closed.
Even until tomorrow, and the day after that, I'll just watch the you in my dreams

I want to sway with your smile forever,
flowering as strong as the sun.
My heart hurts, it hurts, because it's about to break.
If these wishes never come true, at least let me wither away.

I can't even laugh anymore. You say the same words even in my dreams.
Out there, I wonder what the real you is doing.

Clutching a birdcage, in a long distant yesterday,
I walked around, looking for you.

Even if the beautiful winds tempt me away,
I'm still desperately chasing you.
The sky is so blue, it looks like it's about to fall down
As I look up, it wraps itself around me.

like a flower
flowers bloom in sunlight and I live close to you

I'll send countless seeds onto that hill
I'll cover it with beautiful flowers for you.
Please find me, find me quickly, because I'll always be here.
I'm still just waiting to be woken up.
I want to sway with your smile forever,
flowering as strong as the sun.
My heart hurts,it hurts, because it's about to break.
If these wishes never come true, at least please let me wither away.

i dunno abt you, but to me, that's some of the most bueatiful lyrics i've ever heard.
./end

cos im leaving on a jet plane....

2008-10-10T08:16:00.000-07:00

All my bags are packed
Im ready to go
Im standin here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin
Its early morn
The taxis waitin
Hes blowin his horn
Already Im so lonesome
I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Theres so many times Ive let you down
So many times Ive played around
I tell you now, they dont mean a thing
Evry place I go, Ill think of you
Evry song I sing, Ill sing for you
When I come back, Ill bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time
Let me kiss you
Then close your eyes
Ill be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I wont have to leave alone
About the times, I wont have to say

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

But, Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

-leaving on a jet plane; john denver(at least originally)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7RLcq4Kn3Y

ok, let's put things in perspective-
yes, im leaving on a jet plane-what, in a week
no, it's not early morn now-it's friggin 11.20pm-the flight's 5pm btw.
im not taking a cab(prob)-gosh cab fares are a KILLER. and since im carrying so few items.
oh, and yes, my bags are packed-so much so that i've already sent them(kit bag)
and i really hate to go-like seriously-it's ex wallaby-it's polygon camp-what good is that? we're like gonna live 1 month in friiggin tents-urgh.
oh-and assuming i dun die by:1-crashing my bike catastrophically,2-crushed to death by field pack 3-unforeseen circumstances, then i should be back on 13th nov morn-unless we get retained in australia then we could have a prob...so yeah i pretty much know when i'll be back.
im not standing outside any door. in fact, here i am sitting in front of my computer-writing nonsense on my blog.
and NO! i do not have anyone to quote" kiss me and smile for me,Tell me that youll wait for me,Hold me like youll never let me go"...and so on and so forth...
and im DEFINITELY not bringing a wedding ring back. no seriously-no.
and i dun play around-i dun have what it takes is more like it- but yah, i dun. to be more precise-i've never really had a galfren so it's not technically possible to play around u see-i mean to play around u at least need what-1 galfren(which i've never had T_T)

to put it simply-i shouldn't be using this song-

im rubbish

./end-why? why? why must we go for wallaby?

anomalous day

2007-12-19T06:27:00.000-08:00

well, im back from thailand! few stories but honestly too tired to post them. in the meantime i'll just talk abt today which has thus far beeen....anomalous...

let me explain in wad sense it has been anomalous.

welll...the whole day feels like a dream... and somehow reality seems like...well, a dream.

also, if assuming wad my sis said is true that she did not say "sicken child " at me...then i must have been hallucinating...

PC is no longer working...it was still ok just b4 i left for thailand...

phone....NO RECEPTION! well since afternoon.

macs tasted the same way as it should but for some reason i hated it. cant tell why. it's not that im sick of it, given thta i haven't eaten that for like more than 3 weeks but i just didn't feel like eating it.

appetite's a bit off too...dun really feel like eating.

well, one thing.

today is the 19th of dec...and u noe, it's someone's b'day. u noe who.
i've been planning to send a b'day greeting to her since....a long time ago. in fact if i were in thailand, i might've planned to send anyways.

timing couldn't have been better cos i just came back last nite from thailand, so it would've been the first thing i did after i touch down.

but in the ned i didn't.

i didn't want to.

i couldn't do it.

it somehow has become apparent to me that she'll be happier if i dun contact her.

yes. taht is how it is.

on one hand, it's nice to know that pple know ur b'day and send you greetings.

but on the other hand to recieve it from someone who u dun recall, and someone who's not spposed to know. prob very freaky. who knows, she might have changed her hp no..

who knows.

blink of an eye, it's been 9 months since i last saw her.
time really flies. i should've let go.

but im still learning, everyday, even as my world around me starts to crumble, and reality becoems distorted, and fiction takes over my reality.

i am learning to let go. learning to live my life...

it's not easy. but it's a neccessary evil in my life.

maybe someday down the rd in my life, i'll see her again on the streets, and we can both laugh together at how stupid i was. and we'll treat it as one of thoose silly memories of the past, and nothing more.

maybe.

im prob thinking too much.

maybe that's why my head's hurting and my mental stability is falling apart. or maybe it's just a lack of sleep or the jet lag that's affecting me.

cant tell for certain.

im prob crazy today.

but to all the pple who were born this day, 19th dec. cheers, happy b'day and happy holidays. esp for her.

if by some strange chance like 1 in a million kinda chance that you-the reader- happen to be taht her that im talking abt, well...happy b'day anyways. in any case in all likelyhood you're prob not...

i dunno where she is, wad she's doing or even to the extent of who she is now.

wad the hell, i cant even be certain now that she really existed...it feels like she was just part of a distant dream.

as is evident my brains have been shot to pieces.

think i better get some sleep.

maybe tml will be better.
./end

book in to book out to book in to book out to....

2007-10-26T08:23:00.000-07:00

i've like booked in and booked out like...4 times this week urgh....
tues: endorse MC book in-then book out
wed: book in, nites off book out again...then book in again...
fri:book out for med appt, then book in for dinner to book out...

then i got home, and found out that i forgot my keys

book in to get my keys then book out to go home....
haiz....

repeat cycle.

./end

portal ending-spoilers ahead

2007-10-23T05:11:00.000-07:00

this is the ending for the game portal

'Still Alive' by Jonathan Coulton

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Aperture Science
We do what we must
because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are still alive.
I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD. I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
for the people who are still alive.
Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa
THAT WAS A JOKE.
HAHA. FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cake is great.
It's so delicious and moist.
Look at me still talking
when there's Science to do.
When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are still alive.
And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.
STILL ALIVE

./end

game wishlist.

2007-10-23T04:33:00.000-07:00

ok. so a no. of interesting (PC)games have come up and im drooling over them...
1. the orange box(by valve)
summary: it's a complilation disc containing
half-life 2(ok fine i alreayd have that..big deal)
half-life 2: episode 1(old i know...but i really wanna know wad happened to gordon freeman)
half-life 2: episode 2(woots that latest half life :))
team fortress2(prob wont play this much-not really a online player)
PORTAL!:fun and quirky and strange puzzle game involving creating portals. based on the source engine and played like a FPS...or rather the FPS perspective.

ok words alone are insufficient to explain, so here's a trailer for team fortress2 and portal

2. world in conflict
a real time tactical game set in the tiem of the cold war.

3.hitman blood money
reconmended by many of my frens...obvly u play a hitman (agent 47) and it follws teh story of agent 47.

./end

tadaima!

2007-10-23T04:16:00.000-07:00

well, it's been more than half a year since my last post. suffice to say there's been many changes in my life.

sorry to all those who waited for the next post and who didn't get it.

im back.

back to blogging of cos.

well...for anyone who happens to chance upon this lonely and desserted corner.

ok. cut things shorts.

veyr short.

way past BMT.(was in schl 1, cougar coy)

now in 3guards as recce.

now at SMI (now CIS)for recce course.

yup.

well...lots of story to tell.

too little time to say it.

i will fill in the data as i deem myself to be free. for now better rest to recover-gotta book in tml.

oh yes. btw. any piece of information i deem to be too sensitive shall be....encrypted in my own very special way.

i hope you still remember how to decrypt my KTE encryption key.

prob will come out quite often.

esp since a lot of stuff is like...restricted....yeah liek im not spposed to say some things on my blog.

im in NS yah. so some stuff is too sensitive to discuss online...openly.

but dun worry
KTE is way hard to decript...i believe....and even if a terrorist or wadnot should one day ATTEMPT to do it(however foolish), the info may not be useful at all or it could be just be rubbish...welll....after spending so darn long just to decrypt hahahahz.
so if ur a terrorist(god forbid) and somehow u feel like trying ur luck...gd luck.

but that's not likely.

so it's quite safe. no worries.

BTW...only 3 pple in this world know how to crack my KTE encoding....me of cos...and 2 pple who are not related to me by blood at all... so also good luck trying to find my relatives.

as for the rest of you sane people who have no intention of blowing urself or other pple around u, KTE is also used when i want to encrypt certain...personal stuff...stuff taht i dun want the whole world esp some of my more kaypo frens to know abt.

so yes. there you have. im back and this is just a simple intro to my format.
have fun!

./end

is it that time again?

2007-04-11T05:52:00.000-07:00

16 hrs.

great.

why do i still think of her

shit.

heart aches when i think of her.

i just realised

i never said goodbye to her.

and neither did she to me.

...

nvm.

anyways. this is my final post for some time.

bringing xtra phone.

no xtra batt darn.

well, in the meantime this is where i say gdbye

./end

39hrs left

2007-04-10T05:55:00.000-07:00

sianz.
39 hrs left

been watching movies

battle royale 1 and 2

perfume: story of a murderer

yup

and i've really eaten all i wanted to eat already

i can go in le.

well...

not exactly

there are soem pple i want to see b4 i get in.

that's impossible tho...even under normal circumstances.

but it's ok.

not like im gonna die.

hiaz.

sian.

just waitng to go in tho...

./end

NS...

2007-04-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

going NS soon...like this thurs. sian.

anyways, bought my stuff with charles today.

then went with him to his former work place to return his books, and then went to eat muffin at his fren's workplace.

yup. more details tml.

./end

adware

2007-04-02T07:33:00.000-07:00

sian

end work this week

NS next week

i feel as if i dun belong anywhere. for i am always changing form 1 phase to another just when im starting to get comfortable in one.

4 mntsh ago i was in JC.

3 mnths ago, i was slacking

last month i was working

this month im getting reayd for NS.

disorrientated

make matters worse, i have an adware stuck in me.

u know. the one with images and thot of jayce poping up randomly.

yeah.

anyone got pop-up blocker pls pls pls tell me

i need it.

sianz.
NS next week

just as well

played all the com games i wanted already

eaten all i've wanted already

watched all teh anime i wanted

read all the manga i wanted

now i shall get to paly with rifle yay
./end

2007-03-31T20:00:00.000-07:00

zao xia

2007-03-31T19:24:00.000-07:00

oh man...i a lil zao xia already.

thur prayer meeting
fri life concert
sat service
a bit lah...

it was worse on fri after life concert.

mind's been trying to play with me for a few days.

pops up images of jayce and thots of her periodically.

i swear there's a spyware/adware installed in my OS.

need a pop-up blocker.
gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

anyways.

i only knew abt life concert liek on fri itself!
i happen to see caleb online while i was at work so talked to him a while:

"hey ur caleb from SFC rite?"

"yeah...u are...?"

"anxian lah!'

'CRAP!"

1st time seeing him for so long and teh first words he says to me are CRAP.

how anti-climatic.

anyways he asks me if i can make it for life concert at 6 that day.

gee taht was like in 3hrs

anyways, got there, saw many of my teachers and juniors..but not caleb
>_<

late!

called charles. he was at macritchie.when i told him

came down in 13mins

amazing

even earlier than caleb.

anyways, i called caleb and he told me not to wiat for him.

ok.

we then got tix from fron and went in
:)

./end

new revelation!

2007-03-28T23:34:00.000-07:00

ok i was just getting outta my lab for a water break. my hands were freezing cos the aircon was blasting and it was raining. fortunately i got gloves. also happens that i was talking to a few pple abt romantic love..well cos they were exping it,. not as if i got any gd exp but still. yes. anyways pnt was i was thinking abt analogy with my current situation. let's assume the things u have to do in ur goals in ur life is the work ur trying to complete on a laptop. and the world you live in is a freezing cold lab like the one im in. it's cold. and your fingers gradually become so cold that u find it difficult to go on. the cold represents the emotional feelings.

now having a BGR is like having a gal hold on to one of ur hands. it's now warmer and u feel half as miserable. but here's the thing. with one hand being held by her, u only have one hand left to work. so it impedes ur work.

and then i got myself a bottle of hot water.
and i had a relevation(of sorts).

god is like a combination of three things(ok, i mean, yeah since god comes in the form of father spirit son yeah?)

ok. 1-the holy spirit is like a bottle of hot water. if ur cold, u can drink it to feel warm. in fact ,touching it is warm by itself. and if ur thirsty u can drink some more water...

2-the son, jesus, will be like a pair of gloves. they keep you warm and protect you from the coldness. while teh hot water can reheat ur hand, it does not protect one from coldness yah?

3- the father, will be like a supervisor who cares for you enuf to bring you the bottel of water(the holy spirit), the father to you. he also answers your prayers.
and provides for you all you need.

of cos this analogy is not perfect.

but you know, just something to think abt.

not really a revelation in the strictest sense.

yeah, back to com work.

been doing a lot of pipette practice these few days.

gosh had to tell teh difference between 2 droplets i pipetted.
"are they the same?"

gee, 2 10 micro litre drops....i seriously cant tell teh diff.

too noob.

peishi has enuf exp to tell tho.

and i cant seem to get consitent measurments.

so i kept trying.

my hands were tremblng..my eyez were crossed....

4 hrs.

half a pack of 0.2 thermo tubes

3 boxes of 10 microlitre pipette tips

2 preparations of dilute tritan x solutions later

and still not any better
darn

./end

i screwed up again.

2007-03-24T08:46:00.000-07:00

crap.

cg meeting.

spposed to play guitar to accompany royston for i believe

kena jam
again
crap
need to get used to playing in front of an audience

./end

screwed....

2007-03-22T07:08:00.000-07:00

ok...i screwed up...big time.

the flow cyto test on tues was screwed cos i forgot to adjust PMT 4 voltage. so all my resulst were rendered useless!

arghhh...

redo..then becos it was so rushed...i had to stick to a one hr slot...and in teh ned took too much time, and ate into the other guy's time :(

so paiseh.

anyways, wouldn't ahve taken so long if not for sample no. 28.

that thing later came out to be clear...ie: no cellS!

no wonder no results.

anyways
i was so blur.

i thot today was prayer meeting(that's actually next week)
lolz.

neraly went to expo..hahaz. until i called zoe and found out that it was next week

lucky

./end

final boss battle

2007-03-20T05:16:00.001-07:00

ok. so final boss battle over.

had the last round of selection. dunno how i did. they ask the run-off-the-mill questions. i have the suspicion that by now it's more or less confirmed already. cos they ask the smae things as the 1st interview. so i guess it prob is.

now to wait 4 mnths for results.(prob) im guessing 4 since they prob want to coincide with like SAF scholarships and also to annouce the winners of the scholarship together.

it's gonna be a long 4 mnths.

haiz...

michelle, my sis fren apparently has a wonderful imagination.

she was like: are u gonna work like in teh pentagon, are you gonna get like a special codename..?etc. to which my reaction was a mix of O_o and -_-lll

so it's....O_-lll?

think she watches too many spy flicks...

lab today. did the flow cyto for a very long time. did staining too.

had lunch at sc canteen cos it was raining. took jap food cos it had no queue.

bad idea. i always wondwered how can jap food go wrong
lots apparently.
1- unagi salty as heck
2-miso soup is so diluted
3-rice:not fragrant-and no taste
4-pickled...dunno wad...looks like pickled ginger, tastes like pickled cucumber
shld i trust my eyes or my tastebuds?
benji says it could be a cucumber ginger hybrid...

-_-lll

./end
avoid...sc canteen...at all..costs...

free sauna

2007-03-19T05:34:00.000-07:00

ok, so i went back to SAJC to get back my testimonial from my teacher. had to go there super early....cos after taht had to go back to work. fortunately, i didn't bump into a particular someone. and managed to get out on time.

a successful retrieval(i hope)!

anyways, it rained so the bus i was on, 151, had all it's windows shut. now here's the problem.

it was super crowded and super stuffy and hot. it started misting on the INSIDE! driver had to use a clothe to wipe the windscreen from the inside.and super slow too. the bus behind overtook us, and from wad i could see, it wasn't misting from inside.

drats

./end

funny jap advertisements

2007-03-19T05:09:00.000-07:00

(parody of 24)

freeze thaw cycle.

2007-03-09T01:37:00.000-08:00

lab today was frozen over...

it's darn cold!

frozen myself in there gee. had to go out to thaw when i couldn't take it anymore.

anyways, peishi is telling me to take next week off.

cos apparently i managed to arrange teh data so quickly, she has yet to look through it. since there is nothing to do next week at all, she's telling me to take next week off, during which she will look through the data.

1 week...just nice for me to do all my uni application and stuff.

wee.

./end

Metal gear awesome!

2007-03-05T21:05:00.000-08:00

hahahz...parody of MGS1...by egoraptor, on Flash. someone uploaded it onto youtube. hilarious stufff...hahahz.

anyways, friday's outing, we had a lot of fun having dinner , a very lil bit of arcade and bowling. we were playing some squad shooter game for the arcade. something with soem bipedal tanks. gee we kept getting chopped up by the final boss which is always teh bipedal tanks. hhaz. we sucked. worst part is 2 of the 4 pple playing were already in NS. hahaxz.

anyways, i noticed the bipedal tanks from the start, and i was telling samuel, hey look, a bipedal tank! u thinking wad im thinking?

togther:"metal gear?!" in that tone taht solid snake used in MGS1 when he was talking to the DARPA chief. wahahhaz.

anyways, when they put the section for choosing ur callsign, samuel went to put his as snake, a throwback to MGS itself. i choose mine randomly.

but lolz. gee, we really sucked. when we looked at teh stats after the game, we found ourselves to be...noob.
hahahz

i din really bowl cos i was already coughing like mad, but i watched anyways. 1 round tho, royston wanted me to help him to bowl. but since i wasn't wearing any bowling shoes(din rent them, i decided to crawl on the ground. lolz. that like made everyone like WTF?! 0_o....hahahhaz

./end

the results.

2007-03-03T04:42:00.000-08:00

ok here's teh results.
physics -A, with spaper distinction
maths 9233-A
F maths 9234-B
chem-B
GP-C5 :(

yup. so it's not too bad...nopt toogd either.

yeesh

i told my GP tutor: sorry mr Koh, i've let you down.
then he was like: it's ok, ur GP grade is not reflective of ur true capabilities. i think ur style of writing is too experimental, too advant garde. usually essays like this can either score very well, or very bad. it just so happens thatit din turn out well. but u have a cetain flaire, just taht the marker din recognise it tahts' all...

ok i hope so.

he went on to say is houldn't have any problems with teh El proficiency test. hope so

anyways, from wad mr koh said, i can prob deduce a few things.

im too weird in my essays. it's either downright brilliant of totally distasteful.
this time it left a bad after taste in the marker's palette. too bad it's not like im some big shot chef and they're liek connosiers and wadnot.

"you dun like my food dun come here!"

then chase them out hahaz

ok kidding.

anyways, dunno how my schl did cos i went ther late with my class. we noe principal will say some stuff...duin care. we just want out results and get the hell outta there.

and yes, i saw jayce yesterday. wearing a pink shirt. looks quite different from previously.

anyways pnt is, i was just walking and AGAIN i hear a anxian...dunno who said it, turned and it was jayce.

"how did you do?"

"ARRRGHH! i got ABBA ARGGGHHH! i screwed up!"

"hahaz, that's ok, i only got a ABC"

that was it(pathetic convo yes.)

but u noe. it's funny. cos it's kinda nice that things have become well...normal. cos i can look her in teh eye and not feel anything anymore. hahaz.

my chem tutor is a tad disappointed. he thinks thati could have done better for my chem, but he says it's ok anyways cos with this i shld be able to get to aerospace like i wanted.

i half expected my sis to mock at me for my B in chem. she once said that if i dun get a A for Chem, it'll prob be bcos i was distracted by jayce who was sitting beside me for chem. eeesh. cos that's not true. but i still screwed up chem shit.

anyways

sinyi quite sad.
she got C for chem an dshe was teaching chem in SA too. hahz. then she said she have no face to see them lolz.

yeah. went out with frens later after results.

./end-had a blast of a time

final boss battle.

2007-02-28T18:54:00.000-08:00

so DSTA sent me a letter. they are processing my request so im under pending. they want to look at my A level results b4 deciding.

that means that my results this fri will determine if i get to fight the final boss battle.

the interview with the CEO of DSTA.

pray for me.

anyways. my dad is back...after 24 hrs in Sri Lanka. 1st thing in the morning he was like: i dun feel so well, im coming back.

next day he comes back home...lolz.

and yeah

thinking abt creating a team for CS. actually skill will not matter in my team. rather i'll try to implement things like flanking, C3 and other stuff.

i.e: tactical play rather than skill alone.

still trying to come up with gd team dynamics. for example the balance of assualt vs snipers.

was talking abt it with Charles yesterday.

well, i guess we should wait till we get our 4 members b4 continuing. see wad our 4 members can do.

so we'll wait.

ooo...

A level results in a few hrs, so exciting. yesterday saw mr wong while going for BS(he was going home). he has been sleepless over it.he was like: i saw 3 SA students today, dunno if that's a gd sign or bad. im like more worried than u guys are lah.hahaz. anyways, if my prediction is not off, chances are the 3 students are me, the other two being sinyi or any other former SFC member. im thinking jayce. as for me,i have been having pleasant dreams. i know i'll do pretty decently. but will i get 4 As for DSTA? will i get a distinction for my S paper? we willknow in a while.
we will know shortly

./end
wish me luck!

READY STEADY GO-larc en ciel
(kanji)
READY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK
READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK
READY STEADY NEVER LOOK BACK
LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GO

吹き飛んでゆく風景　転がるように前へ
苦し紛れでも　標的はもう見逃さない

あてにならない地図　焼いてしまえば良いさ
埋もれた真実　この掌でつかみ取ろう

夢中で-早く-駆け抜けて来た
うるさいくらいに張り裂けそうな鼓動の高鳴り
響いて-呼んで-いる君の声
ここで立ち止まるような時間は無いさ
READY STEADY GO

数えきれない傷　抱え込んでいても
ちょっとやそっとじゃ　魂までは奪わせない
あの丘の向こうで　君に出逢えたなら
何から話そう　そんな事ばかり思うよ

夢中で-早く-駆け抜けて来た
うるさいくらいに張り裂けそうな鼓動の高鳴り
響いて-呼んで-いる君の声
ここで立ち止まるような時間は無いさ
READY STEADY GO

READY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK
READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK
READY STEADY NEVER LOOK BACK
LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GO

心は-走る-あの空の下
空回りする気持ちが叫び出すのを止められない
君まで-届け-きっと後少し
熱く日差しが照らすこの道の向こう
READY STEADY GO
PLEASE. TRUST ME.

(translation)
READY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK
READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK
READY STREADY NEVER LOOK BACK
LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GO
Sceneries being blown away seem to whirl in front of me
Even if I get desperate, I won't overlook my target anymore
An unreliable map should be burnt
I'll grasp onto the buried truth with my hands
I came running frantically -hastily-
The throb of my heartbeats feels deafening enough to burst
Your voice is echoing -shouting-
There's no time to be like standing still here
READY STEADY GOEven if my countless wounds get hugged
For a moment and gently, I won't let my soul get taken
On the other side of that hill, if I met you
I'd only think about what to start talking from
I came running frantically -hastily-
The throb of my heartbeats feels deafening enough to burst
Your voice is echoing -shouting-
There's no time to be like standing still here
READY STEADY GOREADY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK
READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK
READY STREADY NEVER LOOK BACK
LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GOMy heart -runs- underneath that sky
I can't stop my idle feelings from crying out
Surely I'll -reach- you in a little while
The sunlight shines hotly across this path
READY STEADY GO
PLEASE. TRUST ME.

bbq yesterday

2007-02-26T02:46:00.001-08:00

yup, had bbq yesterday.

fun.

went back a lil early tho hahz.
./end

short post today

stuff that happened today

2007-02-22T05:28:00.000-08:00

well, did a heck lot of processing of the membrane and freeze thaw cycles of samples so i had a lot of free time.

charles just came back from japan and was on MSN. chatted with him for a while.

oh yes, yesterday there was this irritating couple from ITE who made alot of noise . esp the gal who was giggling like nobodie's business. that was on the way to NUS. after work i saw them again. took 97 instead just to avoid them.

./end

finally some real lab work.

2007-02-21T03:46:00.000-08:00

did a lot of pipetting cos we were making the electrophoresis gel...didn't know it was SSSOOOOOOO.....time consuming. yucks.

have to prepare a resolution gel, then still got some other gel u have to prepare...

then each has to take 30mins plus to set...

really admire those pple who made tons of those stuff for those life science courses. if you are one of them, i salute you.

but it was interesting. learn a bit of stuff.

ok- boh liaoh questionaire:

Year 2001
How old were you?
12-going to 13

Where did you go to school?
CSS

Where did you live?
Jurong West

Where did you hang out?
fren's house or jurong pnt

How was your hair style?
rice bowl style-eeee

Did you wear braces?
nope

Did you wear glasses?
yeah-brown and plastic ones too

How many tattoos did you have?
0

How many piercings did you have?
0

What car did you drive?
...wad 12 year old drives a car?

What was your favorite band/group:
i dunno...no particular grp at that time...not very into music then

Worst fear?
Screwing up my exams

Gotten drunk?
nope

Had you been to a real party yet?
Nope..

Had your heart broken?
Nope. my radar wasn't turned on as of that time if u understand wad im trying to say

**HA HA HA!!! LETS SEE WHAT YOU ARE
NOW !!!!!** (ok)

_______________________________________
___

2007

How old are you?
18- 19

school?
no school wadsoever....BMT training school? hopefully SAFTI Officer Cadet School...hopefully.

Where do you live?
still jurong west

Where do you hang out?
church and fren's place and other areas...

Do you have braces?
nope.

Do you wear glasses?
well it's still plastic...at least it's blue now

Still talk to any of your old
friends?
most definitely

Who is your celebrity crush?
MANA! ok kidding. no.

How many piercings do you have?
well still a clean record

How many tattoos?
none!

What kind of car do you have?
no car...-_-

What is your favorite band/group?
Hide with spread beaver,X japan,Gazette, Alice 9, Dir En Grey in order of preference.

What is your biggest fear?
of rejection

Have you gotten drunk?
STILL NO!

Have you been arrested since if so
how many times total?
well 0. again

Has your heart been broken?
a few times yes

./end

sesame st spoof

2007-02-21T02:44:00.000-08:00

ok went out to damiens house today!

2007-02-20T05:16:00.000-08:00

yes, i visited him today!

and we had a lot of fun!

welll....altho one part did touche a nerve...

the card game of bluff...

and pple started using Js instead of saying Jacks....Js of cos sounds a lot like u should know wad...which makes me a bit ....then damien says...Js...that spelt Jace?

-_-

JAYCE!

arghhhh!!!!!

why does that name keep haunting me like a ghost...

this was not spposed to happen....

someone is making a joke here....

it's like im expecting aston kutcher to pop out and say hehe gotcha with a life where pple will keep repeating that name.

anyways, turned out the most honest one, wenlong won bluff! gosh! silent killer!

then for indian poker we played, the punishment was eating the left of the lou hei.

well, 4 guys eating louhei...and they found me eating it at an incredible speed.

royston commented that the must be a shreader inside my stomach...actually no...
it's a black hole wahahha.

anyways, photo taking and we did a lot of crazy poses. funny tho. when we did the "model" pose(Zoe's idea, i decided was thinking wad pose to do, and then i thot about bsome of the visual kei poses i seen, esp with the head, so i visualised exactly that a pose of Mana in french maid uniform. and it turned out pretty good. at leats that wad others say...

damien took a look at the shot and said:woah look at anxian, the others agreed...ok...rite...

maybe i'll get the photos next time to show.

speaking of which...

i've recieved some comments from my frens about my blog. these include:
1-should update more often
2-more pictures

ok...

i will update more often for u my frens out there.

and have pictures if i take them (rare)

./end

reunion

2007-02-16T01:42:00.000-08:00

went back to sajc today.

saw my teachers saw my kuniors :)

the teachers i saw were in the folowing order

Mr NG(still has a lag injury)
Mr Lim-he was dressing up as an ang bao...lolz
Mr kan
Mr chan
Mr lam
Mdm leong

anyways, i saw sharon, and then i called her name...but she couldn't see me and was like looking around for the person who called....prob was seh was searching the upper levels and not her own level...lolz....i think she gotr kinda freaked out from her facial expression...cos it's like someone's calling you, but the person is like...nowhere..

then i walked up to her and said:"sharon!"

lolz...

i was LMAO. she said:not funny.

ok fine

but i still find it funny as hell..

hahahz
./end

finally....

2007-02-13T05:09:00.000-08:00

finally did something that's not data analysis. did weighing and loading micropipette tips into their boxes...kinda reminded me of those hydra rockets on them apaches....

oh well, back to data again...:(

./end

freaky!

2007-02-11T04:29:00.000-08:00

ok went for NTU talk today.

aerospace engione looks very promising. but went to triple e as well to check out.

saw ashly
saw sm and xueli...lolz

then decided to phone Xy to tell her.

then she told me that it was a miracle call cos b4 that her camera was dead...thne it came alive the moment i called. after i stopped the call, Xy smsed me to say her camera just died...lolz

that's so freaky!

anyways. the prof giving the speech for EEE was the one in the NTU video

lolz...for Qand A i wanted to ask him: does ur knowledge comr from ur mustache?

lolz
./end

there is a forbiden word...

2007-02-09T05:02:00.000-08:00

i shall declare that the will be one word that is forbiden at least when ur around me.

you should noe wad it is. those who dun dun bother asking. it's for ur good.

anyways. today i finished work early soi went to meiji but it was soo crowded..cant move at all!

so sian..cannot buy anything.

waste my money waste my time.

then went to get the samsung printer fixed.

poor service generally. not gonna talk much abt it.

went to help my sis get green tea and then went to library. borrowed some manga. on the way i think i saw jacqueline...not sure myself. not very close to her anyways so din bother.

saw this lady who kinda reminded me of jayce. i guess that's how she'll grow uo to look like.

anyways. i saw sinyi on the way back. her work ended and was on her way home wheb i saw her. i crept behind her and...BOO!

gave her a scare lolz...

she almost choked on an octopus from old chang kee lolz....

then we talked abt a few things

then she asked me abt my love life..which is zilch...

then she talked abt jayce. abt how she's in schl everyday. as expected she's now a COR mentor.
not that it matters to me....

but these kinda things sure get into my psyche....

just a few days ago XY said she believes that i still have feelings for jayce. u noe wad?

i dunno. im quite sure i got over it. but i cant be sure. not after that strange dream. and random thots i get.

like while bathing i thot abt how as i expected jayce is now a COR mentor and all, how she's helping in Life concert. then i thot of wad would happen if i were with her.

valentine's day she will be at SAJC helping with Life concert. if i were with her, i would undoubtedly be there too. and even tho it would be an unconventional valentine's day but i would be happy just to be with her. didn't matter wad we were doing. since they'll be late...i'll prob make a bento of sorts for her. and we can eat together...eating under the starlight...it will be romantic in a different way. and then i realised. why do i even think abt this? i dun even love her anyways. all the things pple keep talking abt jayce to me...it's getting to my psyche. darn it.

angry.

they say there is a fine line between hatred and love. maybe there is. ok. i DUN hate jayce per se. i just kinda have this natural repulsion force to her these days. it's like..im jayce phobic or something...if there's such a thing.

anyways she's complaing that she wished to see more of OJ. but that's not how it's turning out for sinyi...hahz.

all i can say is, in life, not everything goes the way u plan it to be.

./end...angry

DSTA sure is different

2007-02-07T04:23:00.000-08:00

yeah. DSTA scholarship assessment test today...and it's largely roleplaying...im spposed to be some guy called Jo...lolz...feel as if i enroled for a drama scholarship instead of an engineering one...not that it's bad.

it was highly amusing.....for me at least.

the tests are the following

1-talk to and advice a fellow co-worker gerry.
2-reply to emails and report about ur team's plan for the next FY...lolz....as well as be mentor for students in SRP
3-presentaion...abt a qn they ask.
mine was abt what u wanna do if u got a grant?

i decided on doing armaments...

hahz

now abit the tired

talk abt it tml..

:P

./end

home office!

2007-02-02T01:04:00.000-08:00

haha...very satisfied today...did 4 sets of exp analysis...more than yesterday!
i also had some time to actually take a nap whilst waiting for new assignments t come in.
hahhz

contacted victor. he wants me to destroy the disc. instead of wanting me to return it. he wants me to break it...

looks like she broke his heart or something.
0_o

oopppzzz...

but anyways im gonna make a shruiken outta it! yay!

./end....

1st day of work

2007-02-01T03:46:00.000-08:00

ok wad can i say...

work was quite slack....altho fcaing com teh whole day..and doing stuff but was quite slack...

was listening to music while i did my stuff..hahahz.

anyways, so i took a few breaks today. and my supervisor was like: u dun need to sit in front of teh com all day. u can take a rest hahaz....

well tml im gonna work from home instead..cos i dun really need to do lab stuff yet. just doing data analysis for now.

anyways..i worked for quite a long period and then my laptop died on me...

looks like it's also asking for a rest too...hahaz...

gonna cont later at home.

anyways, victor was spposed to give me the cd containing thxgiving videos...instead he gave me a cd with photos of him and sharon...wad the...

pls keep ur personal things better!

personal things like these should never end up in the hands of others!

seriously..take better care of ur stuff....

hope he gets it back soon.
./work work...

goodbye.

2007-01-28T04:01:00.000-08:00

(translation provided by video)

Say good bye tada Good bye
Subete no wazurawashisa ni Good bye
Say good bye tada Good bye
Kawaru koto osorezuni Good bye

Atemo naku tada aruite
Tsukareta hibi no takara ni Good bye
Susundeyuku michishirube wa
Saisho to onaji kaze no mama ni

If you can't find a way
Ikutsu mono Winding road
Sora ni te wo kazashite Round & round
Mada minu tochi ni fuan oboenagara
Chiisana uta ni tazuneru

Please songs tell me true
Kimi no melody
Doko ni itemo naritsudzuketeiru
Mata itsuka hitori mayottemo
Kikoetanara karoyaka ni arukidaseru

Say good bye tada Good bye
Kizutsuku no wo osorezuni Good bye
Te no naka no machi kirenai
Omoi wa subete suteteyukou

Please songs tell me true
Kimi no melody
Doko ni itemo naritsudzuketeiru
Moshi dokoka hitori mayottemo
Utaetanara shinayaka ni arukidaseru
Good bye

......

well today it was quite embarassing...i really ended up screwing up the performance me and royston did. we performed goodbye by hide for sis jialing who's leaving us.

T_T

as well as the fact that we were breaking up as a cell grp.

T_T

gonna miss many of them.

that's why we went to eat sushi today...as farewell for sis jialing, and to announce our restructuring.

adeline cried when told abt the restructuring. but i guess that's just life.

ha...and a bit guilty cos i only made my 1st post in the E348 blog like today...close to when E348 is going to disband

T_T

aho!(stupid!)

go only when we're close to being disbanded lolz.

but since we're in the same zone, i guess we should be seeing each other.

anyways.

bro darren is now my cell grp leader.

it'll be interesting i think.

haiz.

but samuel is now going to bro justin's cell grp. so no longer with me.

T_T

at least he's with victor who's also in his platoon.

oh. and today's performance highlighted my need for a pick. cos i used an improvised one that quickly worned down like....ver fast....

bro darren asked why i din use pick.

i din have one.

then why din royston give?

he did, but im not used to hard ones...i can only use soft one.

crap...cos im still new to strumming.

so bro darren gave me a soft pick!

if this were like zelda....

i can imagine....

"u have recieved a soft pick!"

haha...and then my cell grp were like .....-_-lll

later, in the strong wind i acted as if i were like some explorer fighting against strong gales...well, just for fun lah...

then my cell was like laughing their arses off...

they said i shld consider drama ministry hahaz...im actually thinking security tho...hmm...

nvm, when taht time comes then is hould have a clearer idea...meanwhile im not even ordinary member so i ministry is out. for now.

charles is going to tokyo soon tho. im asking him to help me find x japan's last live. adeline's asking for any alice nine albums...hahaz...

speaking of which..in the cell grp photo just now, me and charles...i had an umbrella he had my guitar which he calls his sis in law..since my guitar is a sister guitar to his...ha...and did arms drill with them. hahaz.

./sayonara...i hate that word...

my day just keeps getting better.

2007-01-27T03:35:00.000-08:00

last night i dreamt abt jayce.

it freaked me out greatly...

well most parts were pretty much much liek how it happens in real life. i see her. she ignores me. strangely in my dream i still think of her somewad fondly, and there was sadness...

but in one segmentof teh dream i wake up and felt as if something's resting on me...(ie im lying face down on the ground and i just wake up..)

then in the dream i feel like theres hair...relatively long hair over my neck...which i was like:" wait...is taht a gal resting over my neck?

turn around...

hmm...loks familar

JAYCE?!

so i scream in sheer horror.

of cos all of that took place in my dream...thxfully..

prob is...wad does it mean?

most of all wad does it tell abt me?

train hit person today. tarin kena suspended. stranded. tong bang from roy and weijie.

person prob still alive.

went to sentosa st in cab. din apy admission fee.

writing extremely breifly cos pissed with blogger that deleted ALOT of wad i put down. so decided to keep it brief.
sian of typing teh same things

but when we wnet to join cell grp for games, the gals commented taht i looked as if nothing happened to me..like im ok.

that's prob cos i regain energy quickly....

maybe.

in teh end my cell grp won most of teh games yeah!

so we got rewards.

anyways.
games we palyed
human table soccer...like soccer, but also liek table soccer in taht one bunch is fixed together(ie hand in hand) and within ur own boundaries...lolz

tehn captain's ball with fruits...losl...there was banna and oange and lastly pineapple...all introed oen at a time.
funny thing was. since pineapple was 2 pnts., everoen concentrated on pineapple. so i ahd both banna and orange with me and no oen to pass to....so i did solo! ie throw both in front. run and catch it myself...repeat till it reaches teh captain....haha
everoen so engrossed with pineapple atht i did many scores solo!

lolz

./end

yay!

2007-01-26T05:21:00.000-08:00

today i learnt to play the chords fro goodbye by hide..very satisfied(altho my fingers are numb by now)

i need a pick...a real one.

>_<
the psot card one i made all wore out le...
>_<
anyways i figured taht since i learnt goodbye...i should eb able to do love song by luna sea.

wrong...taht was like so much harder lor
>_<

it's easier to say goodbye then it is to say u love someone lah?

no lah

joking

muahahah

./end

DSTA:round2! fight!

2007-01-23T06:30:00.000-08:00

ok, got a reply from DSTA. im in their aptitude test. woot!

today at prayer meeting i saw ms charis lee!

i din noe she was from my chruch...lolz

today...

2007-01-20T03:36:00.000-08:00

yep today went for cell then went for bursury thing...

was a bit late for it i thot...

but i believ that god helped me to get there in time.....

how else do u explain that 176 came jsut shortly after i got to the bustop, and that when i alighted from 176, 174 was right behind it?

too many coincidences....

thx u lord...

anyways this year,
no food.

just i packet of drinks

:(

./end

everything changes....

2007-01-19T05:08:00.000-08:00

it's been abt a year....

a year since the move to from malan

a year since i fell in love with jayce.

a year since i started using this site....

ok...roughly a year ....

so wad has changed?

lots it seems

A-i longer have feelings for jayce.
B-Sinyi is now officially with OJ
C-Im no longer in SAJC
D-Im now a christian
E-my room..the layout is different
F-no more NTU-JC challenge!
G-im paying adult fair T_T
H-im better at my manga drawing

but some things remain the same

A-i still listen to jrock
B-i still draw
C-i still watch anime(actually pretty much only getbackers....)
D-Sinyi still loves OJ
E-my gender still remains Male
F-mum's still somewad cranky at times

wad a difference a years makes...365 days....

./end

morning run

2007-01-17T21:39:00.000-08:00

still feeling pretty sucky today.

had a strange dream...and a long one too...dun quite rmb wad it was abt...but everyone that i've come to know....taht means everoen since sec schl....to today popped up in my dream...

it's strange.

went running and saw kah hui who was going to work.

went to JE lib...yeha abt it till now...

a tad sian

./sianz

guitar orientation

2007-01-17T21:19:00.000-08:00

went back to help my juniors run their orientation.

met some of my J3 guitarists....it's nice to see them after some time.

and it looks like we weren't the only one.

sinyi was working in SAJC as chem tutor.

and looks like some SFC pple are there...Caleb for one, Rebbecca another.

heard from sinyi jayce was also there too. well, wadever. does't matter to me.just as well, since we never met each other.

it really goes to show that fate is such that we are not meant to be.

well, so be it.

possibly, she was warned by rebbecca wo saw me teh fitrst thing i went in. maybe. but that's quite pntless really.

cut myself while climbing the fence. damn it.been too long since i climbed fences...

anyways, turns out sinyi is officially going out with OJ...that's gd news..congratulations.

then she tells me:"see, if u persist, u will get it eventually. nothing is impossible"

i cant rmb...there's a chinese saying...

a gal going after a guy...is just a stone's throw away, a guy going after a gal is a mountain away.

well in my case it's a mountain that's running away.

or rather it's not just a mountain im fighting

it's also the water current pushing me back.

well wad the hell.

not going for taht mountain anymore anyways.

i'll just let it be.

no pnt getting into it.

pntless...

im swimming in a sea of despair...

there is only nothingness...

the heart continues to bleed...

not because there is someone opening the wound...

but because there is no one closing the wound...

coming home...mum is cranky...

great and on the day i help her to fold her to fold teh clothes and she comes back screaming at us...
great.

remind me wad's teh incentive for helping out in the housework again?

if i use the pattern im observing....

there's a positive correlation between helping out in housework and getting screamed at...

so why should i help?

sometimes(and by taht i mean quite often)..i feel that i dislike my family.

they sap the enthusiasm and energy from me...

wadever positiveness i have is robbed from me...

i feel dead at home...

./end-that blade looks pretty inviting now...

bomb has been defused...results are less tahn satisfactory

2007-01-15T04:55:00.000-08:00

ok.

city care called

buit there' teh lab job.

and i think it'll be difficult for sis to explain to her lecturer.

something's gotta go.

dang.

some difficult decisions have to be made....

and i decided to go with teh lab job...

taht means im no longer a cadet of city care...

>_<

but, i'll still ehlp out tml anyways.

i do wd i can to help.

./end-definitely less tah satisfactory...

so much for a job...

2007-01-13T03:43:00.000-08:00

well, so much for jobs that linfeng introd...

GV vivo looking for long term pple.

and teh oher job at shenton? MLM.

urgh....shouldn't have gone for that thing...should've gone with my cell grp for outing at sentosa...

>_<

./end

DSTA interview

2007-01-11T04:10:00.000-08:00

todays' interview was fun!

very informal, and actually i kinda enjoyed teh interview...more like conversation...and teh interviewer was very funny...

haz

and met many interesting pple(all like from RJ or HCJ or NJ de....-_-)
very freindly pple.

most of them taking trip sc tho...so those pple a bit sad cos bio sci is not wad DSTA is looking for...whereas these pple most prob going to biomedical field...

anyways, so yup, many pple applying for this scholarship... some pple say i remind tehm of frens of tehm...lolz...someone asked if my surname was chan cos she knew a guy who speaks and sounds exactly like me...

then soemoen asked if im steven..who's that?

yup. met alot of nice pple.

oh and one of them was quite chio de...HC...and as i guessed correctly. from dance...

cos we were all introing ourselves while waiting for interviews, and when michelle (that's her name) was told to tell us her CCA, she told us...guess... my 1st guess : dance...

yup i was rite

i wonder if im pyschic.

anyways, seems the interviewers were'nt impressed by my prelims results.

yapali...i knew i screwed up...

he asked me wad ahppened(prob comparing to my promos)

'i got distracted by someone...'

'u mean...BBBBBBBBB.................GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG........RRRRRRRRRRRRRR'(note the long dragging)

'yeah that kind'

haz....

i think wad got me so far was just my essay....yup....

who cares...anyways...when A level comes i'll prove to be different...

but otherwise it was quite cool. yup

i think when i told him i read jane's defence weekly(well, he asked me how i got to know abt DSTA) he prob was trying to test me by asking me wad's teh latest buzz in the defence industry...

of cos i talked abt the JSF...and how US refuses to export all it's related technology to britain and all...he asked did i noe why. i said that it's because u never know who ur enemy is tml..stuff liddat.yup

then he said that's why there's DSTA...haz...for which he said something abt it's like a shifu and his diciple....the shifu will only teach the disciple 90% of teh stuff...in case teh disciple wants to kill the shifu after taht...so the disciple must coem up with the 10% himself...lolz

ok..a bit tired. haz

./end-happy

L died!

2007-01-10T04:22:00.000-08:00

went to watch deathnote2 with samuel today cos he's enlisting tml.

it was damned nice

tho very different from the manga i must say.

pretty empty tho...the cinema
maybe cos it's benn showing for some time, and taht it's in the aftenoon.

anyways
other than me and samuel there were...

a whole bunch of students(all guys)

an old man who keeps talking(loudly) to himself..strange why would a person liek him watch this movie...we thot he was in the wrong place or sumthing...

a couple(ok a gal and a gal...both studenst..but can tell very obvly they're a couple)
anyways soem gal on the street...prob early sec...kinda remined me of jayce...except..that the gal is prettier! to which i thought to myself...grow well young gal...and you will grow up to be a bueatiful fine lady...

now wad the heck got into my mind???

strange......

how to tell that i've gotten over her.

2007-01-06T04:44:00.000-08:00

well simply i dun dream abt her anymore.

last nite, i dreamt i was at soem JC class chalet thing...and taht i had a galfren...but she wasn't jayce...it was soem other gal...but i was very happy.(BTW the gal in the dream had a sorta anime gal kinda quality to her....and note taht i've never seen that gal B4...strange...but in the dream it feels as if i knew her and taht i loved her..strange huh?) anyways it was JC class chalet cos shiyuan was there and it was bedtime, and shiyuan was teasing me to sleep with my galfren. i was like saying it was inappropriate...but shiyuan was like saying:look at her, so sad, she wants you to sleep with her lah!. (look behind shiyuan..yah she's giving a look that says pls..)....i agreed and then i wake from the dream.

and i laugh my ass off..

i really think i shouldn't have teased shiyuan and yijiang so much on hindsight....

it's cool now

anyways caleb described jayec in 1 word as: fierce.

now i was wondering why.

he explained taht he was scolded on 1st day of sch cos he tucked out his shirt and jayce was scolding him for setting a bad eg(he's in SFC after all)

but he said taht was teh only time.

well, she ahs never EVER been fierce to me...

altho she ignores me very often...(hence the feeling of talking to walls)

so i dunno wad to say

except maybe. thx u jayce for turning me down
i guessit wouldn't have worked out. since im pretty sloppy...

so thx u...
meanwhile i laughed my butt off .

caleb was like :"is the photo of jayce and me with you?"

i was like no...why would it be with me? why aint it with any of u?

cos jayce's cam went outta batt...

-_-lll

anyways told him abt jayce losing her phone to which he says: realli meh?

well she told me taht..so....

anyways, funny
i have my photo with caleb.

and i have my photo with jayce.

and just nice lah.

caleb can go and use photoshop lor...i mean since im on the right in one and on the left in teh other...lolz

but seriously...damned fuuny lor..esp since it was jayce who took the photo of me and caleb.

then if it wasn't me then who was it?

anyways, he made this comment which made me suspicious...a lil...

he said: she was very pretty taht nite..

hahz

i think he has soemthing for her
my RWR scope is ringing

it's interesting and this is teh 2nd sign.

i dun care

in fact im kinda happy for him. and shld she choose to go out with him, i wish them all teh best.

or i could be thinking too much. altho my sis shares her sentiment abt this suspicion.

pretty as she may be. i dun care anymore. just wanna be ur fren.

i mean seriosuly..i have many pretty gal frens out there. not as if i have/had feelings for all of them.

haz

im just wondering if the gal from my dream actually exists.

it'll be scary if she does.

went out shopping with my sis...

and i saw the dress taht ziying and jayce wore for prom....

jayces's one i kinda recognised it instantly

but ziying's not so.

i was like: hmm...this dress looks awfully familiar
just couldn't put my finger on it.

i thot for teh whole day then realised taht ziying wore it.

it's now for $65 ....

wonder how much ziying's was.....

my sis almost bought it haz...

./looking for teh gal in my dream...is she real?

let me see...that's victim no.4 already

2007-01-05T04:03:00.000-08:00

ok, i just freaked one of my neighbours while returning from throwing the rubbish. i threw away the rubbish, was walking abck, when i decided to just star outside for a while. happens that my neighbour just came up in the lift and i was in her blind spot. she turned teh corner saw me and jsut freaked out.

both of us laughed it all off...

hahz
splash 4

anyways
wad a ripoff.
turns out the math editorial thing is some tution thing
urgh
and for pri schl summore
urgh

my guess is jayce might like this(this fact is quite irrelevant)...but i can say with 94% confidence interval...i prob wont...i was expecting at least a sec schl standard really...

haiz

think i'll stick with my sis's lecturer

she's looking for lab rat...

sorry lab helper

pay's gd

but...i'll be dealing with carcinogens

if i die of cancer few years from now...u noe who to look for.

haz

./end

woohoo

2007-01-04T05:38:00.000-08:00

yay! just got reply from DSTA for an interview

i feel that 2007 is gonna be a diff year! it's gonna be great!

who noes, i may find a gal! who noes? really(altho hopefully not in NS...so mayeb at work?) who noes?

i've let go of jayce, totally.

just wanna be ur fren.

but if ur still scared of me, then so be it.

i'd be fine.

i'll respect ur decision.

haaz

new year, new hopes, new prospective.

so happy

./end

so happy!

2007-01-03T18:34:00.000-08:00

used my $15 kino voucher the other day...yay!

and just happened they had a 20% discount! so i bought ghost in the shell: stand alone complex, the 2nd gig for just $6!

ssoooo happy!

maybe it's just becos im out shopping!

sitting at home for long periods can make one crazy.

almost forgot, other day linfeng was telling me....OMG...so corny lor...

when deciding wad to sms jayce, linfweng was like: i noe wad u shloud say.

(note: jayce, after giving greetings, asked who i was)

linfeng: "just say u are the one who truly loves her..."

.....

"if not just say ur the guy who wants her to happy from the bottom of his heart"

erm...

./end

so tired...

2006-12-31T21:56:00.000-08:00

urgh..i spent my 1st hrs of 20007 walking...so now im damned shagged...

anyways was eating sushi with my celll at a restraunt for lunch...99 cents a plate...damned nice lor.

went to chris house later...hhaha.

anyways pple asked me why i was wearing so formal(long sleeve shirt and all) and i told them cos i was at church.

then wenling told me she was from COR and a cell mate of jayce but din noe her well. then she said jayce is 'very serious de' hahaz. yeah i see ur pnt...

anyways, since she was in a bad mood cos of her BF prob, i decided to be nicer to her lah...i mean, i dun want to know how she's like when she's pissed...

so i like helped her carry her handbag when she complained that it was heavy(well wad else can she possibly be hinting?) i realised that she's just like my sis.

a-she's fun to irritate the heck outta.
b- when she's asking for favours, she'lll try to butter u up.

case in ont...she was liek: oh anxian, i like u...
me:oh sorry i dun like u...

LOLZ

then she was like: like u as in frens lah asshole...

muahahhaha...

funnyz...

then justin made a prank call to her BF ...hahhaz

anyways funny

linfeng was like:hey, let's go MOS (ministry of sound)to club...then he pnts at MOS burger...lolz
yah let's go there to grind....beef

lolz

the way back, we wiated for 174. it never came. so we took111 to queenstown then walked back. gosh i only got back at 6 in the morn...taht's why im so friggin tired.

oh yeah...i wished jayce happy enw year...then she replied witha gretting asking who i am...
well, it seems taht she lost her phone recently... -_-lll

i get teh feeling that if not for teh fact aht she din noe who it was, she wont reply one lor...
well...treat it as a belated xmas present i guess...

anyways, it's funny, when reading the message she sent, i could kinda visuallise her vioce. it strange dun ask why, but it came quite naturally. i din even have to think abt her voice...
./yawns...

tired

2006-12-30T05:37:00.000-08:00

went to my sis's lab cos she was very depressed and was crying when she called.
so i went there with lunch...

haiz...so tired. let's jsut say i was there washing test tubes.

so tired...

collapse...

anyways..as yet another testiment of my scariness...i was just standing in the lab, when my sis' fren came in. when she saw me she was so scared she practically jumped.

haiz..

but according to my sis, she scares herself anyways...so yep...

maybe not..

./end

just back from C4 interview

2006-12-26T05:44:00.000-08:00

just back from C4 interview. seems that bcos of overwhelming response, there's a selection process, and taht means i may not get the job.

anyways funny stuff.
those pple were selling charity tix at city link. 1 bought from the 1st one, then another came to me and asked me to buy from her...but i dun wanan. but she kept bugging me. so i did soemthing really freaky.

i banged my head against the wall

she panicked and said:'dun do taht, my boss willl scold me'
then she ran away.

seems like im good at scaring pple

just yesterday this kid kicked the ball next to me. he came to pick it up, but whenhe saw me, he cried and ran away...

gosh am i really that scary?

hahaz

anyways. i happen to see tony at city hall, as well as zi ying. it was by chance that i saw her. i was walking around city link to get to suntech when i saw ziying pouring water at the outside of gelare. im liek: wait a min is taht zi ying. i sww the nametag and relaised it was. hahaz. when i called her name, she was like: how did u noe i work here? hahaz...it was by pure chance..hahaz

./end

>_<...me having PMS again

2006-12-25T22:10:00.000-08:00

PMS again...just frustrated and lost and angry and wadnot. dun aks why, dun ask how.

anyhow, there are 101 things goinf thru my mind rite now...all of which involves the death ofsomebody...

let me see..
thought...
no.1: shoot santa's sleigh down with a stinger missile, santa dies
no.2: take a knife and stab myself in teh heart, i die
no.3: take a drill get to my heart, rip it out and see it pumping , then apply a heck of a pressure on it...i die.
no.4:my insides rooting away(poison?)...i die
no.5:i go out and get struck by lightning. it fries me and i die
no.6: i go out, slip on the road, car comes by adn crushes me into a greazy pacth...i die
no.7:i get hit on the head by a sniper. i die instantly.
no.8: i get hit on the torso by a sniper. bullet goes rite thru my heart. dying, i say a silent thank you...i die.
no.9i get ripped apart by cars pulling chains connected to my body. i get ripped to pieces. i die.
no.10:i get a heartattack and die.
no.11: my neck cut by a sword or knife....i die...
no.12:i get smothered by a pillow. i die.
no.13: i get caught in a large oven and gets locked inside. i get baked to death.
......
.....
....
...
..
.
.
..
...
....
.....
......
list goes on and on.

really,really not in a gd mood now...>_<

time to the rain has set me free.

2006-12-25T18:40:00.000-08:00

went running in the rain today. and all my sadness became dissolved. well, i started running at...0630? that's quite early... but i dunno when my City Care meeting will start so i figured i better run earlier.

i felt so free. who needs jayce? not me. not anymore. me? i relaised something. notice how in one prom photo i was standing next to 2 chio bus(they're sam and tiff, both my P6 classmates. realised that as much as she is cute and all, why should i just settle for her who ignores me dun talk to me. hmph(angry le). why i can go ahead and scan and look at teh multitudes of chiobus! ha! it's as janet said to me on MSN last nite. 'GO LOOK AT OTHER GALS LAH!' hahz. yeah true. i relised taht i may be doing soem fo teh same mistakes i did with her2...taht is i concentrated so much on her2..i din bother looking around. and i guess that's why i din bother trying to chase jayce until like this year..haz...and now im was so consumed by my sadness that im not even looking around! gosh...during prom, i looking at jayce so intentely even tho i could've been looking at the prom queen nominee lor...WTF is wrong with me? hahaz...

so it's set. my radadr is back to scanning mode again after being stuck in tracking mode for so long.

back to gal hunting season muahahhz...

i admit, i muist be going mad...

./end

oh
and sorry janet.

i still dun think u look like the supporting actress in princess hrs...:P
i still think ur more like the main actress...which as u noe is not as attractive as teh supporting actress..

muahahhaz.

sorry

apologies.

2006-12-25T04:12:00.000-08:00

christmas tears

2006-12-25T03:11:00.000-08:00

letter to santa:

dear santa,

i want to confess taht i've not been a good boy. i've freaked out one too many pple. i've doen things blindly, without considering the consequences and made a gal go thru hell.i've been a bad boy. but it is at this pnt irrelevant.

even if i were on the nice list, u cant give me wad i want. wad i want...it's simple, yet complicated at teh same time. it is something taht u cannot give, and it is not up to u to give, but it's up to someone else to give. it's not ur call to decide so dun bother. in fact if i should see u flying overhead, i might consider shooting you down with a stinger missile. so$%^& off.

you have been warned

well, if u must give, i'd request a 0.44 colt anaconda with 1 round loaded.
that'll be for myself.

thx u for ur understanding
JAP(johnny austin peters)

anywasy wad i wad most. is for jayce to at least reply me.

that seems impossible at this pnt.

i've already waited 1 week.

i was hoping that that maybe it's bcos she's busy with work so cant reply me, so prob have to wait till weekend. well, guess wad? weekend's over, and still no reply...T_T.

XY said taht there's still soem possibility...for eg if she's overseas.

i highly doubt taht.

i think she's ignoring me. i think she din even bother reading the e mail.

T_T

been having dreams-no-nightmares abt her...

and been crying i secret.

when will this end?

i wish i never felt for her.

and my dad' been using my bed. i cant sleep in any bed now since he took mine. looks like im not gonna sleep today.

./end

THIS MORNING...i have the joy of teh lord!

2006-12-07T17:30:00.000-08:00

i felt better after i prayed last nite. it's as if the lord has healed my wounds at least temporarily. in fact i felt so good, that even when my sister was being all pessimistic and depressed and like just getting pissed for no reason wadsover(PMS?) i did not hols any grudge against her. she got REAALLy pissed when i told her that i was going to work for city care cadet corp... esp when she said my pay was lousy. maybe she's just jaded, maybe she has something againts my church. welll..at least it pays better than her internship as pharmacists...and i mean, it's for a gd cause really-reaching out to those in need, interracting with pple, i mean isn't taht a gd thing? to get paid, taht's extra. really, im not really in need of money rite now so why look for a job that pays well, but does not help u grow as a person? really. the pay is secondary to me. helping others come first- for i know taht my lord will make sure i have sufficient and will in all likelihood, give in abundance. anyways, her negativity did not affect me much...except made me puzzled. it is likely that satan is trying to make me angry with my sister...and to make me stop going to church by using my sis to force me away...

but im not taht stupid..for the lord has given me the wisdom to see thru his cunning act. oh that slippery devil...wad a trap he has set up. but fear not....for i have to joy of teh lord, and no one can take it from me.

./halelujah!

the ramblings of a lovesick fool....

2006-12-07T05:42:00.000-08:00

i looked at u from afar

wondering if u'll look at me.

it was so strange, this feeling.

nothing like ive experienced b4.

wad's this feeling inside me,

my heart was racing,

as if it would tear itself down.

i looked upon u sadly...

wondering when u'll look at me.

and now the time has come...

and it's all too late.

me and u...

we've separate paths to take.

it's time to say goodbye,

but we never said a thing.

ur smile...

so graceful, so beautiful...

slowly fades away...

like a distant dream, a fantasy...

gone forever down the road of time...

even as i cry out fro u at the top of my voice,

u'll never hear it,

u'll never return.

ur just so far away,

and there's nothin i can do,

but to look at ur pretty face in a photograph,

and to pray for u to be happy.

for fate is such taht we should part.

./end-im a lil mizerable and lovesick 2day...not gonna blog abt anything else for the time being

sayonara jayce

back from chalet!

2006-11-28T23:56:00.000-08:00

woot im back from chalet! gosh that was fast.

anyways, me just gonna like give updates on what happened:

day1: it rained when we were going. they said the bus was coming at 2 pm at the taxi stand. we waited and a bus came at 2 pm alrite, but we thot it was only going to downtown east. so we figured it wasn't our bus, but guess wad? it was! anyways we were relunctant to move unneccesarily because it turns out i was teh only one with an umbrella. brilliant. it's dec for crying out loud, of cos there's rain. whilst waiting for the bus, i saw ashley and talked to him abt it. naturally we were talking abt games. or rather abt the crazy specs that games require. we were talking abt the crysis and how crazy the specs are. (the official word is, the requirements of Crysis is ???...cos as far as they can see, no current system can operate such a game...no..not even the cell processor powered PS3...now taht must be something....and he was talking abt how his com barely manages FEAR...and how u will need a physics card to run GRAW(ghost recon, advanced warfighter) properly.

when we got there, weicun promptly set up his ps2 and the chinese scholars connected their laptops to teh power points. some were playing RPGs, others were watching movies like deathnote. most of us opted for playing the PS2...we were playing winning 11, KOF and guilty gear. and weicun was like untouchable for KOF...esp when he uses whip... no way to even get close to him.

barbeque, and it wasn't long b4 everyone got full but we had alot of food left. wad's worse is taht we got some vegetarian food bcos we thot dipak and hitesh were coming. well, they din.was loking for sid cos as it turns out i know that his chalet is teh same time and place as mine, so we agreed to settle our match once and for all.

wad match? the one we set last year. A 1 on 1, m4 vs awp match.yah u noe...

couldn't find him.

anyways, that nite we spent playing polar bear and cards, and murderer. well to make it random and to eliminate the need for a mc, we did selection via cards, as in the card u get determines the role u play.

and swell, i end up playing detective most of the time.

well, in the end, only me, choonhua, peiran and shiyuan were still awake, so we went for a walk....or that was teh plan.

we walked to the lobby, and then we sat down. i fell asleep tho..and woke up later to find everyone else asleep as well. cept for peiran. i went back cos the place was crawling with mozzies. of cos by now there was hardly any space left so i had to sleep on the stairs....prob not a gd position, cos the next day i had a headache AND a painful right arm(prob was using it as support for my head...) well that's the end of day 1....i'll talk more abt the chalet in the coming days.

well, till next time...

./end

DISASTER!

2006-11-24T04:12:00.000-08:00

im so sad rite now...all my works..gone!

ever since like june i've done all my sketches on postcards...and today my dad was clearing my room and he threw them all away!

NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this cannot be happening to me...............

all...gone.....

i dun believe ...it...

T_T

oh yeah, abt the A's....

funny thing tho...i realised that when i was doing the papes i was actually humming...without me realising it.

oh cos i also did some singing....:P

now it wouldn't be so bad...except that jayce was seated directly beside me for all teh chem papers...and i was actually singing the following songs...(of cos, i din realise it...only realised it like quite late)

weekend-x
tears-x
endless rain-x
U+k -gackt
reila- gazette
last song-gackt
mizerable-gackt.

ohhhhh crap.

oh yes and 1 unexpected thing...
chem paper2...just before teh start of the paper...i heard someone calling my name..it was soft, but i distinctively heard it, so i turned my head, and then it turns out that jayce was calling me.....
to say:'all the best'

of cos there's nothing special abt that...but at that moment my head was like: is this for real, why do u like say this all of a sudden( like we're already seated for some time already). of c os for politeness sake i just smiled back and said: all the best to u too!

well simply put i was feeling like >_
./my works...all gone ..........T_T kanashi

end

2006-10-12T18:32:00.000-07:00

it's so fast. the end of my life in sajc.

it's over.

yesterday was farewell. and i shalll just put a few interesting things down.

1- when i went for morning whorship(i felt a strong urge to go that day bcos of 3 reasons, me geeting very stressed up theses days, me enjoying a dream which i shall call 'frag day', and lastly, getting grounded from going to church.

and the SFC pple were like Jayce is going to be the 1st to cry.

chigao desu
(wrong)

i was the first to cry in teh end. i dunno why but i always get very emotional at farewells. when we were singing 'that's what frens are for, i was already crying like mad already.' then during the assembly when we were singing the college hym and when mr wong was giving his speach, i was stilll crying.

hahaz. i think i also cried at my sec 4 farewell.

2- when we were quite noisy during the farewell, our DP chided us, and told us to be more quiet. then our P came up and said: this s the nth time im telling u this...'

LOL...

wad is n? pls define...

i would believe that n is a positive interger....

but it could very well be non interger for all u noe....since she never defined it.

LOLz

3-for farewell prez, our civics tutor gave us.... MOCK EXAMS TO DO AT HOME! lolz

she was like: ok, here's somethig for u...and she reachs into a brown envelopr and passes us a mock exam...-_-lll

in contrast, the tutor for S13 gave each of them a laserpointer/white light/pen/stylus thing that i got from PA for free last year...lolz. when i told anshul that he was like"so we noe where she got this from" haha

our physics tutor mr lim YH a.k.a 'prof. Lim' gave each of us a watch. WOAH! that's like so nice of him lah!. and at the back it says: analogue or digital,wise or otherwise(note: this is one of his lame jokes..bbbbrrrr),clock or watch, they all tell teh same thing-time waits for nobody.

thx prof!
incidentally, S13's CT is a physics teavher...i think it's a physics dept thing.

ok, enuf abt yesterday....now for othereveents taking place at other times.

Dr chua was promoting a life flag day.but she cant pronounce things very well. so everyone was laughing when she did the announcement..(not very nice i might agree but it was just too funny!) anyways, she pronounced flag day as "FRAG DAY" and me and velu were like, frag day? u mean we're spposed to take weapons and go around killing pple?(note: frag in gaming term refers to kill...both as verb and noun. eg. i fragged him with an mp-5!(verb) eg. how many frags do u have?(noun)

incidentally, i dreamt abt it a few days ago when i was feeling very down. strangely the dream made me fell alive...this cannnot be gd.

meanwhile sid laughs it off when i saw him online a few days ago. no more tins...just use AKs...go around threatening them. but of cos since it's frag day..it's more like shoot them and take the money.

oh yes and hen the schl had amazing race for j1s on wed. tehy called in a milo van. and guess who drank most of teh milo? us j2s!

hahaz, funny thing is while most of us went tehre and collected many cups of milo, some koped the cup from teh drink stall and went to top up on ther free milo(cos these cups are much bigger) lolz

./end

chase jayce? NO!

2006-09-22T00:26:00.000-07:00

ok, so today PE. 4got to bring pe attire so i was juts doing my own stuff. apparent jayce was alone. but that's spposed to be none of my business...that is until choonhus comes up to me and say: hey look, she's alone, here is ur chance man. but i din. i couldn't. i juts told choon hua, u noe wad, it's over between me and her. but over the one hr he kept asking me to join her. wtf....lik:'cum'on she's alone over there, just join her lah!'

but i remain rooted.

bcos i was scared.

i was scared of falling for her again.

im afraid of saying the wrong things.

im afraid to be hurt again.

so i decided not to.

then i rmbered that i never told him anything abt jayce...

so i asked: ' wait a min..how did u noe?'

'well it's so obv, and cumone, im still ur classmate..' -_-lll
near the end of PE one of her frens came and sat with her.

then choon hua is like : oh look u missed ur chance le.

well, simply put.

im ok with that.

1-there was never a chance to begin with.

2-im afriad of relighting a fire that should be dead.

noe wad sux.

i felt WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY depressed after that.

gdness noes why.

>_<

./end

i shall declare that my b'dea be made into a schl hol!(oh wait, it already is...)

2006-08-21T00:30:00.000-07:00

SituationYou are in a deep deep forest... as you walk on yousaw an old hut standing there
(1) What is the status of the door?(Opened/closed)-open
You enter the hut and see a table...

(2) What is the shape of the table?(Round/Oval/Square/Rectangle/Triangle)-oval
On top of the table there is a vase... in the vasethere is water.

(3) How much water is it filled up with?(Full/Half/Empty)-empty

(4) and what is the vase madeof?[(Glass/porcelain/clay)(metal/plastic/wood)]-porcelain
You walk out of the hut... as you carry on your walk in the forest... you see a waterfall from far...there is water running down...

(5) What is the speed of the water?(Choose a number ranging from 0 to 10)-7
Some time after the waterfall... you step on something hard on the ground... as you look down... you see glistening gold in colour. You bend down and pick it up... it is a keychain chained with keys...

(6) How many key /keys you see hanging on the keychain?(Choose a number ranging from 1 to 10)-3
You walk on and on... trying to find your wayout...suddenly you see a castle.

(7) What is the condition of the castle?(Old/new)-old
You enter the castle and saw a pool of murky water with shining jewels floating on it...

(8) Will you pick up the jewel?(YES/NO)-yes
Next to the murky pool... there's another pool... with clear water and money floating on it...

(9) Will you pick the money?(YES/NO)-yes
Walking to the end of the castle there is an exit...you proceed to walk out of the castle. Outside theexit, there is big garden, you see a box on the ground.

(10) What is the size of the box?(small/medium/big)-medium

(11) What is the material of the box?(cardboard/paper/wooden/metal)-cardboard
There is a bridge in the garden some distance away from the box,

(12) What is the bridge made of?(metal/wooden/rattan)-wood
Across the bridge, there is a horse.

(13) What is the colour of the horse?(white/grey/brown/black)-brown

(14) What is the horse doing?(still and quiet/nibbling grass/running about)-running abt
OH NO!!! There is a tornado coming... some distance from the horse. You have 3 options:
(i) run and hide in the box?(ah u mad?...hide in teh box?)
(ii) run and hide>under the bridge?(yes...basic survival skill...
(iii) run to the horse, ride on and gallop away?(i dunno how to ride and can u possibly run away from atornado in that? think not

Here are the interpretations(1) The door :opened door - you are a person who is willing to share closed door - you are a person who is keeping things to yourself(2) The table:Round/oval - any friends>that came along, you will accept and trust them completelySquare/rectangle - you are a bit more choosy on friends and only hangout with those whom you think areon the same frequencyTriangle - you are really very very picky aboutfriends and there are not many friends in your life3) Water in vaseEmpty - your life is not fulfilled Half filled - what you want in your life is half fullfilled Full - your life is completely fulfilled and good for you! (4) Material of vase:> glass/clay/porcelain - you are weak in your life and tends to be fragile metal/plastic/wood - you are strong in your life (5) Flow of waterfall 0 - no sex drive at all 1 to 4 - low sex drive> >> 5 - average sex drive 6 to 9 - high sex drive 10 - gone case!!! super high sex drive!!! Can't live> without sex (6) Keys 1 - you have one good friend in your life 2 to 5 - you have a few good friends in your life 6 to 10 - you have a lot good friends (7) Castle:Old - shows that your last relationship is not a good one and is not memorable to you New - your last relationship is good and it's still fresh in your heart. 8) The jewel from the murky pool water:> YES - when your partner is around you, you will flirt around with others NO - when your partner is around, you will stick around with him/her most of the time (9) The money from the clear water pool:> >> YES - even when your partner is not around you,>you> will still flirt around with others NO - even when your partner is not around, you will still think> of her and and will be loyal to her, not> flirting around with others 10) The size of the box small - low ego medium - average ego> big - high ego >(11) Material of the box (outlook of the box):> cardboard/paper/wooden(non-shining) - humble personality metal - proud and stuck up personality 12) The material of the bridge metal bridge - have very strong bond with your friends wooden bridge - average bond with your friends rattan bridge - you are not in good terms with your friends 13) Colour of the horse:> white - your partner is pure and good in your>heart grey/brown - your partner is only average in your heart black - your partner doesn't seem to be good in your heart and appears to be bad sign 14) Horse action still and quiet/nibbling grass - your partner is a very homely and humble person running about - your partner is a wild type person This the last but most important part of the test From how I ended the story... a tornado approaches What are you going do? There are only 3 options i) run and hide in the box? ii) run and hide under the bridge iii) run to the horse, ride on and gallop away What will you choose Now, the above is signified by these things tornado - problems in your life box - you> bridge - your>friends horse - your partner i) So if you choose the box, you keep your problems> to yourself whenever you are met with problems (ii) or if you choose the bridge, you will go to your friends whenever y! ou are m et problems iii) or lastly if you choose the horse, you seek your partner whenever your partner whenever you are met with problems

anyway, hol tml for polling day..woohoo!

just treat it taht the schl is giving me a hol 4 b'dea gift...lolz....

or i can act bigshot..

i shall declare my b'dea as a sch hol!

woohoo!

lolz.

haiz..18 le...so sianz...

./it's a gd day today.

this is soo amazing, that i have to blog this NOW!

2006-08-19T18:58:00.000-07:00

well, today, im not service now cos my mum wants me to stop until after the prelims. so here i am at home.

well, soemthing anzing just happened this morning- for no reason wadsoever, my sister asked me how's city harvest
i was like: it's ok, why?
turns out she wants to attend church!

this is like soem miracle!

i dunno how, but it seems that god has touched her!

praise the lord!

yay!

./groundbreaking innit?

damage assessment

2006-08-18T06:16:00.000-07:00

anyways.

today..hurting all over.scra[pped my kneee playing soccer.

body's aching all over.

tongue hurts like crap cos i bit it accidentally the other day.

and im damned tired cos i din get a gd nite sleep.

why?

cos i had a strage dream

i dreamt that me, janet, jayce and some guy whom i dont recognise(i presume to be a fren of jayce in the dream)

and then halfway while shopping, jayce says to me:'i think u shld see a psychaitrist'

and im lik :WTF?

and then janet goes like:' yah i think u shld too...u noe..ur insurance policy covers this expense u noe...'

and then proceeds to explain to me abt my insurance policy.

and im like...wait a min...how coem ur more familiar then me abt MY insurance plan....

(posible conclusion: she was also an insurance agent?'

then jayce leaves with the guy, leaving me with janet.

after which we (that's me and janet goes to this tore...and then janet says :"hey llook at that-it's a water based cream.

and im like: is there such a thing? and how do u tell teh diff?

weird dream...esp the psychiatrist thing..0_o

anyways, funny.

sinyi has expressed interest in wanting to noe abt XY...

lolz

./end

omaiwa joudan ja ne!

2006-08-14T02:37:00.000-07:00

that means: U GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

yah.

today. i dunno how this happened.
the 1st string snapped!

lol. that's like almost impossible lah!

gd thing no performance in teh end.

heng....

./end

just for today.

2006-08-11T02:17:00.000-07:00

today...chem test on food chem.
damned easy lor.

like can ans every qn...
except for one...

how to test for tartrazine E102
(ans is use chromatography)
i was like thinking of chemical tests and i din noe wad tartrazine can react with..lolz...

anyways, i almost wanted to say: feed a hell lot of it to a kid and see if he runs up a wall or soemthing.

lolz.

physics lect..same ol stuff..
revision on statics qns...

sian..like stuff we do for fm...except alot simpler.

so din bother.

=P

prom nit payment is next fri.

thsi year is retro-spec...
theme is retro..urgh.

me just gonna go in formal wear.

retro is like O_o....

5th dec.

./end

short post

2006-08-08T22:15:00.000-07:00

ok. short post cos gotta go back to muggin after this.

mon-was super high...duno why.

everyone was like wondering why i was so high on mon.

me included.

i was like laughing and giggling and practically dancing.

yeah...weird.

so weird that ms chan had to ask me:'anxian why u so high today?'

well i din noe...so i just said: oh, someone gave me a shot of prozac this morning.

wad's prozac u ask?

anti depressant.

anyways, me and huaming kena have to perform something for the next FMB tut.

cos we tied with 3 other grps to be lowest for teh linear spaces quiz.

sux...cos i phrased my ans such taht only i would understand.

but not my peer markers.

crap.

me prob goona like play endless rain or tears.

prob the former.

lolz

also, yesterday. CIP for all J2 classes for nat day.
my class was doing newspaper collection.

lolz...the truck was spposed to come at 1145.

we finished at 930.

since our area was so close to our schl(the main collection pnt), we and a few other classes in the same area decided to just bring the papers to the main collection in schl ourselves.

so we got off by 10.30.

happy.

anyways, my headset kena spoiled again..

sian...bought new headsets.

my cousin caisheng came over for tuition last night. he's preparing for PSLE.

and i was tutoring him.

but i guess i shld not be a pri schl tutor.

cos i forgot how to do it the pri schl method..can only teach him the sec schl method..that's simultaneos eqns..

also, the science qns...erm..me thinks i gave too much details...for a 2 mark qn....like overkill lor..

opps.

therefore i cannot teach pri schl. they'll be like:wTF he's doing?

=P

can only teach like emaths and a maths.

but let me tell u this. im proud to say that im very gd at teaching pple amaths.

exceedingly.

cos i was tutoring my classmate viknash back in sec sch..and im proud to say that i've tutored him so well, he went from flunking amaths to getting an A1....in some sense im proud of his achievement in that sense.

yes...so i've proven myself capable of tutoring amaths.

ok...so much for being brief.

./end

happy! =)

2006-08-06T03:29:00.000-07:00

ok few things to be happy abt.

a...been 1 week since i felt anything fro her.

yay!

thinking abt it..i must have been mad...

WTF was i thinking?

*hen*

oh.

other things.

yesterday seniors farewell.

so touched lah...our juniors put in so much effeort.

and yah.

most of all im touched by John the new QM.

he made a wooden model footstool fro me.

so touched lah...

QMs forever.

T_T sooo touched.

and yesterday MF was like composing a poem for me...i'll do some translation at least for teh part i remember.

anxian, anxian

his heart in shambles...

thinking abt that time

looking at the back of soemone..

a fleeting shadow.

ok that was as far as i can rember or as gd i can trnaslate.(eh..MF may want to give me the full version.

anyways. im like >_<

hello?

can u see me now?

im so much happier this way.

i dun her in my life.

and least of all.

im not missing her anymore!

so for pity's sake!

stop this lah!

other stuff: yay! congrats to MILUBING for becoming Superband...meanwhile...sad for lucify...liked tehm..but that's the way it is... all the best!

anyways, enjoyed myself yesterday. sad to leave guitar.

today was city harvest's 17th anniversary.

at inddor stadium...so fun!

hahaz

and then yesterday i sent an email to her asking if she still wants to be frens...and she's ok.
yokata.

it's better this way.

./end- it's always a good day when god's around.

rejoice

2006-08-04T02:23:00.000-07:00

the end is nigh.

tml...i will no longer be a guitarist.

i've already left my 'locker' for the next gen Qms.

ah so sad..

my time here in sa is ending.

sad.

also means that i will have to say godbye to her.

another sad thing.

at least im free now.no more guitar to bog me down.

and at least i can say that ive had the time of my life here in sa.

my life here in sa was eventful.

i've learnt to love...and to be rejected.

i've had so many things happen. it was a life filled with it's fair share of ups and downs.

and i've also found Him- the bringer of life.
indeed no one is here by chance

dun wanna go.

but i have to go.

that is the rule of life- nothing lasts forever.

speaking of which she wasn't here in sch today.

either she's sick or she din bother coming cos today she has no GP(she comes to sch on fri only for GP-cos she doesn't haev any other lessons on fri)

im sad.

anyway..forgot to say this. wed popped teh party popper invites taht our juniors made.

haaz. nice lor..

my message flew damned far...and hit dom in the head.

it was like *pop*

'ouch!wad is this...?'

lolz!

anxian =l=(0_0)=> dom

which if ur new to my blogging style..means anxian headshot dom...can refer to the old blog at frendster to check it out..if it's still there...

woot.

./wonder if she is going to go home late cos of rapture or FOP. prays for her continual safety and well being. prays that she takes care opf herself and that the lord will always bring her health.

updates

2006-08-02T22:46:00.000-07:00

things that happened over the past 3 days.

tues- watched pirates of the caribbean..finally. so happy. damned fun...but pretty pointless plot.

had a dream of jayce again..this time watching her from a distance..much like how it is in real life.

wed-went home early cos we've stepped down as guitar! yay! finally- sat is senior farewell.
also went for chaplin's hr...which was a prayer meeting for CMW...SFC's stuff...and only my business cos im now a christian...but guess wad?

the only pple there were just me, wenlong...and the rest are all SFC members O_o.

im like...urgh...this is ssssssoooooooooooo akward.

asked charles victor and janet... and they pang sehed me...

>_<

so me and wenlong were like...erm shld we like..make ourselves scarce?

anyways. we din. cos aloy encouraged us to stay...

....

felt like a bunch of morons

saw weesiam on the bus yesterday.

he's not weird wad....then wad subing told me previously must be rubbish lor!

thurs

staying back for s paper now.

EMU~FOR MY DEAR~

totsuzen no deai e no kokoro kara no yorokobi to
"itsushika owaru kamoshirenai..." sonna kankaku ni obiete
soshite hitomi o mitsumeteta
nanimo wakarazu ni
dore dake no omoide mo yume no you na maboroshi de
itsumademo kawaru koto no nai tojikomerareta kimi ga iru
ima mo hitomi o mitsumeteta
nanimo kawarazu ni
te o nobaseba todoiteta hohoemi wa hakanakute
me o tojireba ude no naka de kieteiku kimi o
mou ichido dakitakute
ano toki, ano basho de deatta koto o wasurenai kara...
kaze no naka de odoru kimi no sugata wa
hikari ni tsutsumareteita
kimi dake o mitsumeteta
boku wa itsumademo mitsumeteta
ima mo kimi dake o mitsumeteru
nanimo kawarazu ni
te o nobaseba todoiteta hohoemi wa setsunakute
me o tojireba yume no naka e kieteiku kimi o
mou ichido dakitakute
ano toki, ano basho de deatta koto o wasurenai kara...
wasurenai kara...
-English Translation-
The joy from my heart at our sudden meeting says
"Maybe it'll be over before I know it..." those forebodings scare me (1)
And then I was gazing into your eyes
Without understanding anything
They're not forever changing, so how many phantoms,
Like memories and dreams, could you file away
And now I gazed into your eyes
Without changing anything
If I stretch out my hand, the smile I reach is fleeting
If I close my eyes, I want to hold
Your vanishing body once more in my arms
Because I can't forget that time, that place where we met...
Dancing in the breeze, your body
Was being enveloped in light
I was only watching you
I was forever gazing into your eyes
Even now I watch only you
Without changing anything
If I stretch out my hand, the smile I reach is pained
If I close my eyes, I want to hold
Your vanishing body once more in my dreams
Because I can't forget that time, that place where we met...
Because I can't forget...

SAIKAI~STORY~ GACKT
kasuka na hikari ni yobi samasarete
hakanai yume no kioku to kiesou na koe
toozakaru kako no zawameki wa
ima de wa mienai ano keshiki o utsushidashite yuku
soba de warau... kimi ga iru
sou... marude kinoo no koto no you ni oboeteiru yo
dare yori mo fukaku boku ni fureta sono manazashi o
wakachiau koto no yorokobi mo
kiseki no you na ano deai mo...
futari no omokage sae mo okizari ni shite kieteyuku
usureteyuku kioku no naka de
mou ichido dake dakishimetakute
setsunai kurai sakebitsuzukeru kimi no na o
koe ga nakunaru made
utsumuite furueru kimi o
kono ude de dakishimetakute
kono sekai no dare yori mo kimi o
mamoritai to kizuita kara
mou sukoshi de boku wa kieru kedo...
soredemo kimi dake wa hanashitaku wa nai
setsunai kurai kimi ni tsutsumareta ano hibi o
boku wa wasurenai
-English Translation-
A faint light calls me awake
The memory of a transient dream and a vanishing voice
Projecting that scene of the commotion
Of a receding past that's now lost
Nearby smiling... You are here
Yes... I completely remember it as if it were yesterday
That look that touched me more deeply than anyone else
And the pleasure of shared things
And that encounter that was like a miracle...
And only our image is deserted and disappearing
Inside of the fading memory
I want to hold you just one more time
Nearly painfully, I continue to shout your name
Until my voice is lost
You're hanging your head and trembling
I want to hold you in my arms
Because more than anyone else in this world
I realized I wanted to protect you
In a little while longer I'll disappear but...
Still I never want to let you go
Nearly painfully, I won't forget the days
That I enveloped you

./end-loves gackt...loves alice nine and gazette even more!

so high!

2006-07-30T05:55:00.000-07:00

today was soo... high!

today...the guys from hillsong came down to CHC for teh whorship!

woot!

then there was rev mike cornell's preaching and ministry...where there was deliverence...

then went down for the COR thing.

me on high today.

anyway-i went to COR for xinrui..she wanted teh class to go down to support her.
it isNOT...i repeat...NOT for jayce.

anyways, in case u are evry curious and wad not...jayce was doing 2 dance items(as edxpected froma rthym gym person)

and yes..she danced well..

i have to admit that.

however, i felt..free...no longer bound to her...as in emotionally wise.

altho i still have the feeling inside taht wishes for her happiness and wadnot.

but i also dun feel sad abt not being able to be with her.

that's new.

today is a gd day!

./end

LATE!

2006-07-27T05:43:00.000-07:00

1. Taken a picture naked? no
2. Painted your room? nope
3. Made out with a member of the same sex?no!
4. Drove a car? no
5. Danced in front of your mirror? no
6. Have a crush? on someone, yes
7. Been dumped? many times
8. Stole money from friend? nah
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met?nope
10. Been in a fist fight? nope
11. Snuck out of your house? yah-once to go for service.
12. Had feelings for someone who didnt havethem back?
yah...50 5w6u45 e69pp uwg9jy t44p9jye t05 u45
13. Been arrested? no
14. Made out with a stranger? no
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sexsomewhere? yah-xy for st fest
16. Left your house with out telling yourparents? yes-st fest, service..
17. Had a crush on your neighbor? nah
18. Ditched school to do something more fun?no
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the samesex? yah-chalet lor
20. Seen someone die? no
21. Been on a plane? yep
22. Kissed a picture? yah..i think
23. Slept in until 3PM? yes
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? sadly yes...
25. Laid on your back and watched cloudshapes go by? yes
26. Made a snow angel? no
27. Played dress up? hell yeah- like kena sabo for mascot(venn man) and the venn house bonding time(x-dress)
28. Cheated while playing a game? yes-cheat codes=P
29. Been lonely? izumo
30. Fallen asleep at work/school? yes
31. Been to a club? no
32. Felt an earthquake? no
33. Touched a snake? no
34. Ran a red light? yes
35. Been suspended from school? no
36. Had detention? yes
37. Been in a car accident? no
38. Hated the way you look? izumo
39. Witnessed a crime? no
40. Pole danced? no
41. Been lost? no..my sense of direction is very gd
42. Been to the opposite side of the country?yes cumon how big is sg?
43. Felt like dying? always
44. Cried yourself to sleep?often
45. Sang karaoke? no
46. Sucked your thumb? yes
47. Done something you told yourself youwouldnt? YES! ESPEACIALLY INVOLVING mailto:J@
48. Laughed till some kind of beverage cameout of your nose? YES
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? no
50. Kissed in the rain? not even a kiss...much less in the rain
51. Sing in the shower? yes
52. Made love in a park? no
53. Had a dream that you married someone?yes
54. Glued your hand to something? yes
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? no
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? no
57. Been a cheerleader? me?NO...NO...NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!
58. Sat on a roof top? yes
59. Didnt take a shower for a week? no
60. Ever too scared to watch scary moviesalone?no
61. Played chicken? nah
62. Been pushed into a pool with all yourclothes on? yes
63. Been told youre hot by a completestranger? no
64. Broken a bone? no
65. Been easily amused? yes
66. Laugh so hard you cry? yes
67. Mooned/flashed someone? huh?
68. Cheated on a test? nah
69. Forgotten someone's name? yes- today i forgot bryce's name...i called him bryan
70. Slept naked? no
71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? no
72. Performed on stage? yes
73. Blacked out from drinking? no
74. Played a prank on someone? yes
75. Gone to a late night movie? nope
76. Made love to anything not human? NO! NO! NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!
77. Failed a class?yes
78. Choked on something you're not supposedto eat? yes
79. Played an instrument for more than 10hours? i think so...
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? no
81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? no
82. Thrown strange objects? yes
83. Felt like killing someone? yes
84. Thought about running away? yes
85. Ran away? no86. Did drugs? no
87. Had detention and not attend it? no
88. Dumped anyone? no
89. Made a parent cry? yes
90. Cried over someone? yes definitely..like always
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? eh...i think so
92. Dated someone more than once? nah
93. Have a dog? no
94. Own an instrument? yes
95. Been in a band? ensemble?
96. Drank 25 sodas in a day? nope
97. Broken a cd? yes
98. Shot a gun? yes!
99. Dated a married person of the oppositesex? no
100. Written a love letter? yes...or in theory...tho it's not much of a love leter tho...argh!
gackt-love letter

yaashi egao de boku ni hoho-emu kimi ga imamo kawararzu ni soba ni irumewo tojireba hora, ikutsumono kisetsu ga bokura wo sotto tsutsumikonde yuku yo.Smiling at me with your gentle faceyou are here, never changing right next to me.nagai tabij no hate ni nani ga aru no ka dare mo wakaranai keredo fuan-na yoru wa mou nibo to otozure nai karaThe precious days and memories we shred wrap us around,filling us up with gentleness, Close your eyes, can you feel it?But I will ensure you one thing for sure, What awaits at the end of this longest journey we are about to walk, you are safe with me. ei-en wo aruite yukeru kore kara mo zutto futari de kono mune ni tsuyoku dakishimetaomoi wa kawaranai, tatta hitotsu dake no... ai shite ruBecause's we are together I can walk all the way, now and forever in my heart,there exists never changing affection for you, The one and only it's all yours..I love you.soyokaze ni nabiku chi-sana hana no yo-nakimi ni hajimete deatta hi wa to-kumada osana sugite kizu tsukeau hibi mo attakeredo ima de wa warai aeru omoideAnd you were a radiant young girl just like a tiny flower swaying in the breeze.It was so long ago when we first met,We was both still immature and there were days of quarrels and tears.Now we can just laugh at it..chikai-au yakusoku wo wasure naidedare yori mo taisetsu dakaraegaita yume wo, sukoshi zutsu kanaete yuko-yoYou are the most precious person in the world.So don't forget the marital vows of ours.Now one by one, let's work together to grant our wishes..ei-en wo aruite yukerukore kara mo zutto futari dekono mune ni tsuyoku dakishimetaomoi wa kawaranai, tatta hitotsu dake no... ai shite ruBecause's we are together I can walk all the way, now and forever in my heart,there exists never changing affection for you, The one and only it's all yours I love you.ei-en wo aruite yukerukore kara mo zutto futari dekono mune ni tsuyoku dakishimetaomoi wa kawaranai, tatta hitotsu dake no... ai shite ruBecause's we are together I can walk all the way, now and forever in my heart,there exists never changing affection for you, The one and only it's all yours I love you.ai shite ru...love only you.

today i woke up super late.

argh!
funny tho.
last nite i saw weijie. then this morning i saw hime AGAIN!

lolz.

and then i went to sch, but the security guard was saying that he's not allowed to let latecomers come in, and he din register me. so i climbed in.

(when my civic tutor saw me she asked why she din see me this morning i said i was in the toilet...lolz.)

anyways.

today...

service learning reflections and we were working on the board!
haha.

and meeting with j1 exco.

haiz.old le
gonna retire le

me so sad.

./kanashi

service learning or learning journey?

2006-07-26T06:43:00.000-07:00

ok, here's the thing.

people are complaining taht our class is liek slacking off for service learning cos we're like doing it at a library, cos they expect us to like enjoy the aircon while shelving books. that's true for teh 1st shift. and im guessing taht the other gusy in other classes aren't too pleased with that.

well i bet tehy'll be green with envy when they ehar abt the 2nd shift.

we go there and they say no need to shelve already.

1st they wanted to show us teh libraries' search facilities. so they needed to find a location to give a lecture...and we ended up walking all over the library...lolz like soem guided tour.

then they told us to be audience for a speaker for teh world bank.

the talk was in formative, and very interesting.
later we had a recpetion (wah...where got liddat one...CIP...just go sit for talk and go for reception nice lorz-best siah!) where we talked to teh world bank representative and in was very interesting!

woot!

but here's the thing...
ms chan came with us...and becos i like answered most of teh qns posed by the librarian during the library talk, he was like: ' gdness is he like ur best student in class..''
im lik0_o...think not.
cos ms chan like noes my stats like rather CMI de...=P

hhaaz

and then the speaker from wrld bank was saying taht iposed him a v gd qn.

haha...izzit?...all i asked was whetehr it was possible for a nation to use the world bank as a tool for their political agenda, cos he mentioned taht the main powers were countries like britain and us and japan...and someone was asking abt n korea and i was thinking abt how usa once promised n korea supplies if they stopped their nuclear ambitions. so yah. that's why i was wondering.

furtehrmore he also stated taht countries taht owe money to world bank due to loans may be forgiven of their loans have conditiosn to apply like policies that are spposed to help reduce the problems of poverty in the future.

yah...just higghlight my thinking process.

not taht it's anything.

./end

the long way home.

2006-07-24T03:44:00.000-07:00

gdness NEL took forever today.

due to tech error, the train stopped liek 6mins every station, and the trains stopped at dohby, forcing me to drop off there, cahnge to N-S line before changing to E-W line at raffles place.

this sux.

shld've taken the bus.

voiceless screaming-x japan

I'm drowning in sadness
falling far behind
I feel there is just no way out
is there anyone there? where am I?
insanity and loneliness
tear my painful heart
broken heart keeps on going to beat
but it never stops bleeding
I've been waiting for love to come
someone who wants to touch me inside
memories of my yesterdays
careless words and deeds
masquerade of love
gotta find my way outta here
I was blinded be dark desire
over time I've been through it all
I'm crying my share of tears
what can I do
will I make it through
I must be true to myself
* Voiceless screaming
calling to me inside of my heart
Voiceless screaming
now is the time I got to speak out
voice of faith, I'm starting to realize
now my eyes can see
I have gone so far
I'm feeling breath of life
and I'm looking for love to reach
someone I want to touch deep inside
light shines on my sight of doubt
don't be afraid
move forward one step
willing mind is what I have found at last
* repeat
Voiceless screaming
calling to me inside of my heart
knockin' on my soul's door
I belive in myself and trust what I do
Voiceless screaming
pain of the past still hurts me inside
knockin' on my soul's door
I climb the stairs that lead me to Heaven

this song is like...so apt for me...
./end

table border='0' cellpadding='5' cellspacing='0' width='600'> You scored as dreammy/depressed anime. cool (0r my bad, not cool.) you got depressed or dreammy anime. Try to purk up more. "I GOT YOUR NOSE!!"

dreammy/depressed anime

92%

dark

83%

loving anime

67%

happy anime

63%

tough anime

46%

what's your anime style
created with QuizFarm.com

looks like i'll have to try again.

2006-07-21T02:59:00.000-07:00

well, napfa test today. shld have gotten gold but i haven't recouvered from tuesday's training. my leg muscles are like aching.

so like the 5 station...i performed excellently...

chinup-10(A)
standing board jump-230(C)
shuttle run 9.6(A)
sit and reach58(A)-lolz like 10 cm more than the a requirement of 48
situp 44(A)

but 2.4..ran halfway then couldn't make it.

felt giddy and with stitches and cramps.

and jayce was there to support the guys in her class.

few things ran thru my head1
- i'd hate to faint in front of her. cos i'll give her a big shock. as in traumatised
2- im not running for anyone anyways...so it's ok to try again next week.
3- as 1st aid rep, i i fall it'd be akward.
4-i felt akward after every lap cos i'd have to pass her

so not today maybe.
maybe next fri.

yibo-jayce's fren, was trying to encourage me when i was running.

but obvly the effect is totaly different altogether.

but nvm.

trhat's life
take it.

i'll take teh cahnce next week.

in other news.

it was damned funny just now for service learning prep.

xingrui called me to come back to class.

wad's funny, im right im front of her.
as in abt 20 degrees to her left and 2m away.

xingrui:' anxian, come back to class! where are u now?'
me:" in front of you!"
xingrui:'wad do u mean 'in front of u'?'
me:*cancels call and shouts* can u hear me now?

lolz. then she was like damned shocked.then asked me why din i just cancel the call and tell her.
well i wanted to noe how long it toook for her to realise that i was there. lolz

after which she sked why no one around her told her abt my presense.

i guess they din noe either.

i am invisible.

i have the unusuale ability fo shadowwalking

no more than a shadow. i disappear when i want to.

also another funny thing

mdm leong wanted a momento from service learning for the booth.

well here was my suggestion:

since some of us may be repairing the books, then i was thinking why not this.

a page is torn into half and we are spposed to repair it.

after to make the page whole again by taping, tear that page out and ut on the borad saying: this is teh page we repaired!

it's spposed to be lame of cos.

but if u are laggy let me tell u wad's funny abt it.

it's just dumb cos we are spposed to repair the page but we destroyed it instead for the presentation

THAT is teh crux behind teh joke.

anyway a whole bunch of us in my class were laughing hysterically becos of it.

./kanashi

ps- the new exco has been selected! and it's funny. just feels like yesterday pric passed me the keys in C105. things sure have changed. now i have a succesor haiz..me getting old le.

douste watashiwa aishiteru?

atashiwa baka desu!

this sux

2006-07-20T06:55:00.000-07:00

ok u noe wad sux?

today's scripture reading.

why?

bcos Jayce was so cute lah!

seriously- the whoel audi was lauguhing bcos jayce is just too cute le!

cos today's scripture is abt cherishing those arnd u(ironic innit?)

and she was like laughing and giggling while she was explaining today's scriptures...in a very shy manner..

OOOHHHHH........SO KAWAII! MAKES ME WANT TO HUG HER!

except that...

IM SPPOSED TO FORGET ABT HER DAMMIT!AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

T_T this aint easy! she's juz so cute and everytime i tell myself to forget abt her, she keeps giving me another reason as to why she is SSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOO lovable...

me hates myself..

doyukotoda?(wad's teh meaning of this?)

aaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

me going crazy!

it's not as if she's making it any easier for me!

then yesterday- yibo was commenting on how if i were drawing jayce the skirt shld be shorter-
and my heart was racing just thinking abt it.

gdness gracious me!

stop all this madness!

just let me get over it...somehow!

./end-how do u forget someone so cute and loveable?

na-ze?

2006-07-19T06:21:00.000-07:00

ok, so im back to drawing the katana gal...or ninja gal as MF calls it(i'd rather call in kunoichi-female ninja)

funny.
MF wants her to have bigger boobs and shorter skirt...

....

anyways, yibo his GF and fren of jayce was like thinking that kunoichi was jayce

hello?

just becos they both have a ponytail does not mean thye are the same person!

i dunno if i want to draw jayce anymore.

but my concept was to transform her into a mage type character

therefore the mage type character MAY be based on jayce

see no pnt in not using her as a subject given the fact taht ive spent so much time developing that character....

and maybe 1 official last drawing.

prob give to her on the last day ...or on grad nite

i'll signoff at the bottom sayonara(farewell)

which for ur information is the word i hate the most.

i just hate sayaonar..or farewell..

u never noe if 'll eveer see taht person again in ur life...

makes me sad

kanashi...(im sad)

and oh yes

this brings me to this. although i said that i have moved on and wadnot.

fact is i still have feelings for her, as dumb as it may sound.

as much as i want to forget, the soft features of her face makes me go soft in my heart.

and that's a prob.

taht a MAJOR prob.

daskete(save me)

XY jokes that i shld get a new GF..

im like WTF?

./end

crying with dry eyes?

2006-07-16T06:23:00.000-07:00

today i've stopped crying.

it's funny. my life is like almost back in perspective.

so wad if i still have feelings for her

so wad if my life is screwed up.

least i still have my life.

i believe that there is purpose in my life.

i believe that i have a destiny to furfil

i believe that all these are justs tests, and that when i get through it, i will emerge stronger

i believe

shinji desu

im ready-fro wadever life has in store for me.

bring it on.

./end- locked and loaded

so much for jb

2006-07-15T00:31:00.000-07:00

oh wells so much for jb.

like no one else wanted to go. dang.

plus yibo is under PRC passport. so will need a visa.

so we went to mr chan's house.
then went to erm...dunno wad u call taht again...me not very the good with my dialects lah...

where munfong's proficiency in coantonese shined cos the pple at that restraunt of wadever u call it use pretty much obly cantonese.

damned nice dinner.

thx u mr chan! ms lye, mr kan!

we were thinking of watching pirates of the carribean together, but i guess we later figured it was too late.

anyways, here's a horrifying thing.

eugene found i had the same phone model as mine. so he promptly exchanged the back cover of mine with his.

prob: his was pink.

URGH!

now my phone is white in front with pink behind, with his being white back and pink front.

i asked him later why of all colours choose pink

he replied in a manner of factly fashion: becos they were out of other colours...

'>_-lll

W AD?!

anyways, i found this trend abt myself.

ive been crying daily for the past week...including this morning.

i dun even noe why anymore.

also ive been zoning out even more frequently the past week.

wad is happening to me?

the heck.

./end-wake me up.

spark

2006-07-13T03:46:00.000-07:00

few things.
physics s paper was FUN today....was laughing throughout...Mr roland lee was the tutor for today and he was darned funny. i think i've just found that spark i need in physics.

always pose silly scenarios and make fun of victor and anjali.

but din like it when he called me mr wang.(weng)
just like velu...

so irritating!

anyway, so strange...why am i tearing just typing it out?
haha..atashiwa bakadesu...

today jayce was leading morning worship.

she seemed happier today.

and i was happy for her.

does that make any sense to u?

(right now, im crying, but laughing at the same time...are these tears of joy? or am i trying to decieve myself?)

edwin says he admires me for being able to let go. he said it took courage.
but is this really brave? i think it's more like foolish, or am i too critical abt myself?

wadever it is. the situation was beyond my capability to control. so i decided to abandon it. is that brave?

(by now, ive stopped crying)

anyway, 1 thing i learned today abt jayce taht i never knew b4.

*whispers*': she can't sing....

ok. no offense mdm. but really...urm... cannot make it.
but it's quite cute in that sense lah.

one of the SFC guys was like: jayce zhao xia!

me: *chuckles in one corner*

ok. if u are jayce and u are reading this(like duh...how else will u see this?) no offense. dun like come after me tml and give me that icy stare. im already frozen by this cold world...pls dun try to freeze me somemore.

which leads to realise a few things.
1-my sis wouldn't have liked jayce. and would prob give me alot of probs for it.
2-my sis would've complained abt how jayce sounds like(note, my sis hates gals who sound like jayce-and i dun mean singing..i mean talking)
3-urm...i think while it's cute lah...but it still sounds quite bad lah so...
4-our choice of music is like worlds apart.-me jrock...her...urm like...just christian music..but not like christian rock those kind i think so... :P

so it's a gd thing to drop it. it wouldn't have worked out anyways. i mean let's look with teh end in mind shall we?

according to survey, the no. of successful marriages wrt dating time b4 getting married is a normal curve with a sharp peak at 2 years. therefore i take that 2 years is the sweetspot to aim for.

now taht doesn't take into account ns(that is of cos done in us..so there is no ns.

if i start now..the sweetspot happens...when im stilll in ns and she'll still be in uni(i assume she's going uni) which is a BAD time. therefore the whole system is flawed and shld be abolished(which i did)there is no way i could get married in 2 years, and to do otherwise can be a rather risky challenge.

but there are limitations to this survey.
1-doesn't tell us how successful.
2-the definition of success is not given.
3-the no. of relationships after 2 years may be low to start with. therefore even if all of this low amt of pple who date for more than 2 years get married, the number obtained will still be low. therefore we cannot safely say that longer relationship equals less succcessful marriage
4-US context
5-sampling method is not given, therefore, may not be random, hence may not be accurate.
6-level of significance?

therefore this piece of information may not be that accurate. so use this data at ur own risk. understand that a- i did not come up with this data, b- i will not be held responsible for any damages done if u choose to use this set of data.

./end-pain or pleasure? i dunno. nothing is black and white...everything is in a shade of grey.

counter-Intelligence

2006-07-12T02:45:00.000-07:00

that, by the way, does not mean stupid! it just means a process of preventing pple from spying on u, as well as protecting ur secrets.

this is one place where i suck at.

for instance why is joel of sfc- whom i dun really noe, look me up on frenster?

was he spying 0_o

gdness, wad's there to spy on?

that was like ....so shock when i found out.

meanwhile, all is normal.

and victor found me 'sleeping' during fma lecture.
well, it was a simple chapter and i was still copying while i was 'sleeping' i merely rested my brain and eyes and copied.

nice skill huh?

i bet ur jealous.

meanwhile, pw talk by principal.

load of rubbish.

just watsing time.

./end

fiill out

2006-07-11T03:38:00.000-07:00

ss1. single, crushing, interested, or in a relationship?single-yah like duh
2. are you happy with who you are?erm..like no
3. when you meet the right person, do you fall fast?dude...even if it's teh wrong i person i fall ...like a ton of bricks...ok and fast.4. have you ever had your heart broken?like AGAIN?!(2years- 2 times...1 time per year...tha's gotta be soem record)
5. do you believe that there are certaincircumstances where cheating is acceptable?erm...like nO?!
6. would you ever take someone back if theycheated on you?if the person still loves me..yeah...but if not..then i'd rather the person just leave me
7. have you talked about marriage with anotherperson?yah...like to charles this morning and wad statistics have proven abt marriages(for eg. did u noe, that a survey PROVEs that the no. of successful marriages follows a normal distribution with respect to the amnt of time a couple had been together and that the mode is 2 years? )
8. do you want children?erm like yeah
9. how many?1-2....that means...1.5...1 and a half kid! that means a normal kid and a super short kid! no lah. kidding.
i mean wouldn't that mean that every family has one kid and a child who's liek 0.6 times the normal ht of other children ? (ave b' rate in sg is 1.6...yes no?)10. would you consider adoption?if me and my future wife(whoever taht may be) for soem reason cannot give rise a a child...taht option will be attractive... 11. are you happy?1 word: NO!delirious-as in gone insaen...in all likelihood yes...but do not confuse that with happiness or pleasure, for i feel only pain and sorrow and none of teh pleasure
12. do you enjoy playing hard to get?dude! i play hardly getting...as in i always fail in this field of love. *shin pai*-failure in jap
13. be honest. do you play the "game" when youare dating?urm like as if i can liddat. cumon i dun even have the ability to even succeed in winning the heart of one....how to paly teh game...cos dun even have one...
14. do you believe love at first sight exists?er...no..lust perhaps love...not very likely lah. altho love at first smell is a more likely scenario...(it's teh pheromones) or love at first talk....(it's teh personality )
15. are you romantic?i dunno. altho many stuid quizes i took in the past would suggest that i am. but how would i noe? i've never been able to utilise or test this ability. i.e- no practicals...altho the theory would suggest it is...
16. do you believe that you can change someone.changing is easy. now changing someone for the better by love is a different thing.(i scare pple into changing..altho unintentionally)
17. if you could get married anywhere, wouldmoney not be an object?in as much as money(coins, cash) is a noun(hence an object),money cannot be not an 'object'. in fact there is no relationship better me marrying where and what the compositionof money is.
however, if u mean being able to marry anywhere, would money matter to me?
well neither matters to me.
doesn't matter how if i have money or not(ok...as long as 1- the other party doesn't mind, b- there is enuf money for teh both of us to start a warm family) neither does where i marry(as long as teh other party likes it. wad's more important to me is taht im marrying a person i love and that the other person loves me and is happy to marry to me.
now THAT is wad matters
19. do you easily give in when you are fighting?yah...in fact i hardly, i ever get into fights
20. do you have feelings for someone right now?Does he/she know?
if u asked me this qn 7 days ago, i'll say yes...then no...
6 days ago...yes and yes
now is a no-which voids out the second qn doesn't it?
22. have you ever broken a heart?
me ? break someone's heart? i think not! unless u consider literally taking a knife and stabbing someone in the chest...
23. what will happen if you come home & findanother person in your bed with yourhusband/wife?divorce?
depends...altho im most likelihopod i'll forgive. which means no divorce.
im assuming that she still loves me of cos. however, the decision is for her to make, not me.
24. would you ever fight somebody over yoursignificant other?
depends on the situation. if my significant other wants to be with the other person, then so be it. if she wants to be with me, then i'll fight to protect her freedom. if she's undecided, depends on the person- if teh person is a bad hat and i noe he'll abuse her...then i'll definitely try to sop him...but not really fighting

fighting solves nothing.

it'll be competition. but i'll ratehr both of us not get her than to have her under the hands of a bad hat. that's all there is to it. so if need be, i'll use wadever means neccessary.
wadever.
25. if you know someone likes you right now, whatwould you say to them?
i'll give the person a warning first- that is give a description of who i am(like the EULA), if the person decided that she still likes me. taht's gd, i'll accept her. but hey, wad's teh probability of this ever happening?
i'll get struck twice by lightning before this will ever take place
26. do you drink?
nope
27. ever been drunk?
drunk on stupidity...yah....drunk on percieved love yah(which turned out to be fake by the way)
28. do you drink your sorrows down?
no drink-no drink to drown sorrow.
plus drinking only makes u more depressed if ur already in sorrow.
29. are you bored?yah
30. wads your wish right now?4 As in a level.prob. and that she'll forgive me. then again...not really so much of wishing but of praying

l a s t
1. Person you saw: mum
2.Talked to on the phone: johnny
3. Hugged:i dunno.
4. Text: to someone who called me while i washaving lessons. i have no damned clue who he is

t o d a y
1. wearing : sa t-shirt flower print blue shorts
2.better than yesterday? :worse
3 words. it feels astho everyone is my enemy

t o m o r r o w
1. Is:another bad day
2. Got any plans: just to get bytml
3. Dislikes about tomorrow :it's another badday.

f a v o r i t e
1. Number: 16
2. Color: blue-reflects who i am inside
3. Season: spring

c u r re n t l y
1. Missing someone: not really..notanymore
2. Mood: pissed and thirsty for blood
3.Wanting: to die

Q: First thing you did thismorning?: A: pass val the qns fro interview
Q: Lastthing you ate: A: blueberry bun.
Q: Do you haveanything bothering you?: A: everything is
Q:What's annoying you right now?: A:EVERYTHING!
Q: What's the last movie yousaw?: A:pirates of the carribean
Q: Do you believein long distance relationships?: A: i dun evenbelieve in relationship
Q: Is there a person who ison your mind right now?: A: no
Q: Where is thelast place you went?: A:. photocopying shop
Q:Do you have any siblings?: A: 1
Q: Do you smileoften?: A: NOT ANYMORE unless u considersmiling for evil reasons-aka...phychotic smile
Q:Do you think that a person is thinking of you too?A: NO!
Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty,creativity): A: Love-which is the hardest to comeby and hence the most precious
Q: Do you wishupon stars? A: NO! i pray
Q: Are you a friendly person?:A: NOT NOW! Q
: Whose bed did you sleep in lastnight?: A:MINE LIKE DUH!
Q: What color shirtare you wearing?: A: WHITE!
Q: What were youdoing at 9 last night?: A: slping.
Q: When is thelast time you saw your dad?: A: last mth
Q: Doyou have more guy friends or girlys friends? A:same
Q: When was the last time you cried?A:just a few moments ago
Q: Do you get angryeasily? A: not really unless ur like my mother who's always picking a fight
Q: What was your last thoughtbefore you went to sleep last night? A: damnedtired....
Q: What are you about to do? A: cry andscream and shout and go crazy
Q: What songare you listening to right now? A: nothing but thelast song i was listening to was forever love by xjapan
Q: Would you rather be single or in arelationship? A: me..id rather be in arelationship...haiz.
Q: Do you ever check yourphone waiting for someone to call? A: usedto
Q: Rate life as of right now 1-10. A: 0
Q:Would you say that most people who first meetyou like you? A:no. they get scared

1)How old do you wish you were?
old enuf to die
2) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
home-sleeping
3) What do you do when vending machines stealyour money?
get real pissed
4) Do you consider yourself kind?used to. now im just plain pissed
5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?never
6) If you could be fluent in any other language,what would it be?japanese
7) Do you know your neighbors?no neighbours
8) What do you consider a vacation?death
9) Do you follow your horoscope?i look at it just to see how rubbishy it is
10) Would you move for the person you loved?prob. if i still loved anyone at this pnt in time. all ihave now is pain, hatred and tears
11) Are you touchy feely?maybe i was. now im just plain pissed
12) Do you believe that opposites attract?only if they are magnets or charged particles.anything else, no.
13) Dream job?engineeer for DSTA.....
14) Favorite channel(s)?central(for tehir anime)
15) Favorite place to go on weekends?church service
16) Showers or Baths?shower
17) Do you paint your nails?no
18) Do you trust people easily?not anymore
19) What are your phobias?rejection.
20) Do you want kids?ya
21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?used to now i type
22) Where would you rather be right now?where teh dead dwell
23) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy?nobody. on teh othe rhand everyone gives me pain,anger and tears2
4) Heavy or light sleeper?light2
5) Are you paranoid?in all likelyhood. after all my scarring ive had sincei was a kid.
27) Who can you relate to?no one anymore
28) How do you feel about interracial couples?i feel that they are sweet
29) Have you been burned by love?many times
30) What’s your favorite pick-up line?no fav pick up line
31) What’s your main ring tone on your mobile?weekend-x japan
32) What were you doing at midnight last night?slpin
g33) What did the last text on your cellphone say?prac tml 3pm at inno.1....
34) Whose bed did you sleep in last night?mine
35) What color shirt are you wearing?white
36) Most recent movie you watched?daisy
37) Name three things you have on you at alltimes?hp, wallet, specs
38.) What color are your bed sheets?orange
39) How much cash do you have on you right now?0.but quite a sum stashed soemwhere
40) What is your favorite part of the chicken?tigh
41) What’s your favorite town/city?a dead one
42) I can’t wait till:my death
43) What did you have for dinner last night?soem ham and bread4
4) How tall are you barefoot?appprox 1.68m(altho thos guys at cmpb made amistake by measure when i was lloking at my feet)
45) Do you own a gun?i only wish
46) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?milk
47) Where do you think you’ll be in 10 yrs?dead i hope
48) Last thing you ate?blueberry bun
49) What songs do you sing in the shower?normaaly dun sing. but if i do..i guess it's probmizerable by gackt camui
50) Last thing that made you laugh?running yolk
51) Worst injury you’ve ever had?injury to my sanity.the recent evenets have taken atolll on my sanity.someone kill me and put me outta my misery
52) Does someone have a crush on you?no..but i can only say i wish
53) What’s your favorite candy?meiji vit c sweets
54) What song do you want played at your funeral?art of life,rusty nails-x japan, aint afraid to die-diren grey, death wish; sayonara-gackt camui,thereal folks blues-cowboy bebop, ray; tokyo shinjuu-gazette.ah yes...feeling better now..not so pissed already.

./ calm now

yay me very the happy now. now me and xiang ya are going yo learn forever love. and maybe next time jam together.
so cool lah!

BOSS

2006-07-10T13:15:00.000-07:00

i've recreated BOSS, brotherhood of singularity sg.

as founder i shall be called BIG BOSS.

and they shall make colnes ofme by the name liquid and solid snake

i'll eventually get killed by solid snake while pilotinga metal gear.

lolz...sorry just spoofing the metal gear series

./end

the wound is still fresh

2006-07-10T03:36:00.000-07:00

hurt abit today. expected. since i get exposed to the source.

but at least she stopped straing at me like an enemy.

gd.

going well.

however, i still need to stem all emotions.

that's a prob.

we'll have to see.

velu was making fun of me abt jayce again.

this despite me having told him abt the abortion of teh operation.

naturally i was pissed with him, cos i would expect such things from preventing me and her from even becoming frens.

dammit.

why this?

cos i was drawing a gal....and he assumed that it had to be jayce.

well let me tell u...IT'S NOT!

cumon, since when did she wear a NBC suit?

or use a gas mask, a glock and a granade laucher?

and since when was her hair liddat?
geez...
dun make statements liek that.

(later he admitted that actually he was just wondering if i found soemone new that's why...well, look...no one i noe carries a glock , and grenade launcher and...)

so yah.

not a new target or wadnot.

just diverting attention by having imaginary gals in my head.
like the characters im planning- thinking abt wad characteristics they shld have.

hoping this works.

was smsing adeline from my church. zoe feels that me too anti social and shld talk to other pple in my cell grp more. so i smsed her. then like 4 hrs later then reply....i dunno like deja vgu liddat lor...dunno if she'll reply my reply...gdness i feel so...crappy.

i feel like scum.

./end

more quizes

2006-07-08T06:33:00.000-07:00

You scored as Mysterious. You wish to hide who you are from all those around you. You find it very hard to trust people. You also may enjoy the fun that comes from playing mind games with others around you.My advice Get out there and reveal the true you if only to one person!

Mysterious

83%

Eyes full of Pain

67%

Passion

50%

Diamond Eyes

17%

What do your eyes reveal about you?(PICS!)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Hannibal Lecter. You are Hannibal Lecter. You dont need to eat human flesh to live, but do so because it just taste good. You are very intelligent, and enjoy using it to your advantage to keep people guessing. You arent a killing machine, but when you do decide to let loose, watch out! Dinner is served, with some fava beans, and a nice chianti!

Hannibal Lecter

100%

Freddy Krueger

80%

Michael Myers

75%

Pinhead

65%

Candyman

65%

Jason Voorhees

65%

Jigsaw

60%

Leatherface

50%

Captain Spaulding

40%

Buffalo Bill

25%

Which Horror Killer are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as You are half Fallen/ half Light Angel!. You go between being both a Fallen Angel and an Angel of Light. You can\'t seem to make up your mind and so one today you may be one and tomorrow the other!

You are half Fallen/ half Light Angel!

94%

You are an Angel of Pain

75%

You are an innocent Angel

63%

Angel of Light

50%

You are an Angel of Beauty

38%

What kind of Angel are you??(PICS)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Shadow walking. You have the ability to walk in shadows. A rare power not posessed by all vampires. Follow me, and experience all the powers the vampire enjoys.

Shadow walking

100%

Shape shift

75%

Perception

69%

Telepathy

63%

Mind Control

44%

Charisma

31%

What vampiric power do you most possess?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Master Chief. What a hero, you're cool, calm, strong, regenerate health and love nothing more than dual wielding smg's or a lovely battle rifle in your hands!

Master Chief

80%

343 guilty Spark

60%

Hunter

50%

Brute

40%

The Arbiter

30%

Sergeant Johnson

30%

Jackal

20%

Tartarus

20%

Cortana

20%

Elite

Grunt

What halo / halo 2 character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as You feel alone. If you do infact feel alone, don't forget, alot of people do. You may need to take some social/emotional chances in the future. After all, YOU decide if Your alone.

You cant let go of the past

100%

You feel alone

100%

You won't forgive your mistakes

100%

You want to fall in love

75%

Your not happy with where you are right now

75%

You don't know who/what to believe

65%

Your uncertain of the future

55%

You don't see the point in going on

40%

You need more independence

Whats Really Bothering You?
created with QuizFarm.com

im truely ok now

2006-07-08T05:47:00.000-07:00

vanishing love-x japan

I'M BORED TO DEATH (GO MAD)
kabe ni tobi-chiru SPRINTER OF GLASS (SHED BLOOD)
kaerimiru kako ni mushibamare chi wo nagasu
I COME TO MY SENSE (AT LAST)
azakeri-warai OUTSIDER
subete kudake-chiru kaikan ni me wo samasu
kioku ni yaki-tsuku omae no
sugata chi HEAD de haki-sutero
I DON'T WANNA VASHINING LOVE
BREAK OUT OF (MY MOLD)
kagami ni utsuru FALSE FACE (BREAK UP)
mi-ushinai-kaketa yokubou wo baku-kesu toki
MAKE A PAST (AT GIRL)
maboroshi ni mita A REAL KNOCK OUT
kichigai-jimita kairaku ni ake-kurero
* karami-tsuku omae no genei wasurarenai kurushimi
chi-mayou kokoro no kakera wa kage mo katachi mo nai yume wo
ima mo oi-tsuzuiteru tsukurareta kyouki-yosooi
"I CAN'T STAND"
HOW I TRY TO DECIVE MYSELF HOW
"WAITING FOR YOU"
IF TEAR TURN IN TO BLOOD
"CAN'T GET AWAY"
HOW I TRY TO DECIVE MYSELF
"PORTRAIT OF YOU"
NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY
I CAN'T LOSE TRACK OF YOU I MISSEDcan't lose track of you I missed
# INJURY DEEP INSIDE MY HEART STILL REMAIN
CUT UP MY HEART, YOU LIVE
IN MY ILLUSION YOU GO AWAY
I STAND ROOTED TO THE SPOT (2X)
* repeat
# repeat
(LAUGH AT ME) BEING AT MY WIT'S END
(LAUGH AT ME) EVEN IF IT'S A FORCED SMILE
(LAUGH AT ME) BEING AT MY WIT'S END

forever love-x japan
Mou hitori de arukenai
Toki no kaze ga tsuyosugite
Ah kizu tsuku koto nante
Nareta hazu dakedo ima wa...
Ah kono mama dakishimete
Nureta mama no kokoro wo
Kawari tsuzukeru kono toki ni
Kawaranai ai ga aru nara
Will you hold my heart
Namida uketomete
Mou kowaresou na All my heart
Forever love Forever dream
Afureru omoi dake ga
Hageshiku setsunaku jikan wo umetsukusu
Oh tell me why
All I see is blue in my heart
Will you stay with me
Kaze ga sugisaru made
Mata afuredasu All my tears
Forever love Forever dream
Kono mama soba ni ite
Yoake ni furueru kokoro wo dakishimete
Oh stay with me
Ah subete ga owareba ii
Owari no nai kono yoru ni
Ah ushinau mono nante
Nanimo nai anata dake
Forever love Forever dream
Kono mama soba ni ite
Yoake ni furueru kokoro wo dakishimete
Ah will you stay with me
Kaze ga sugisaru made
Mou dare yori mo soba ni
Forever love Forever dream
Kore ijou arukenai
Oh tell me why Oh tell me true
Oshiete ikiru imi wo
Forever love Forever dream
Afureru namida no naka
Kagayaku kisetsu ga eien ni kawaru made
Forever love
english translation

I can't walk by myself anymore
The winds of time are too strong
Ah, what a wounding thing
I should have gotten used to it, but right now. .
Ah, hold me the way I am
My heart, damp as it is
Is being changed at this moment
If unchanging love is there

Will you hold my heart
Catch my tears
All my heart is ready to break
Forever love, forever dream
Only overflowing thoughts
Terribly, sorrowfully, bury all time
Oh tell me why
All I see is blue in my heart
Will you stay with me
Until the wind passes
All my tears start to overflow again
Forever love, forever dream
Be with me this way
Hold my trembling heart in the dawn
Oh stay with me
Ah, I wish everything were ended
Nothing is ended in this night
Ah, what a loss it is
There's nothing at all, only you
Forever love, forever dream
Be with me this way
Hold my trembling heart in the dawn

Ah will you stay with me
Until the wind passes
Now more than anyone else, with me
Forever love, forever dream
I can't walk farther than this
Oh tell me why, oh tell me true
Tell me what it means to live
Forever love, forever dream
Amidst overflowing tears
Until the shining season changes to eternity
Forever love

kurenai-x japan

I couldn't look back, you'd gone away from me.
I felt my heartache, I was afraid of following you.
When I had looked at the shadows on the wall,
I started running into the night to find the truth in me.
Arashi fuku kono machi ga omae o daku
Fukinukeru kaze ni sae me o tojiru
Nanika ni owareru you
Ore ga mienai no ka?
Sugu soba ni iru no ni
Hitonami ni kiete yuku kioku no toiki
Ai no nai hitori butai mou taekirenai
All of you in my memory is still shining in my heart.
Surechigau kokoro wa afureru namida ni nure
Kurenai ni somatta kono ore o
Nagusameru yatsu wa mou inai
Mou nido to todokanai kono omoi
Tozasareta ai ni mukai sakebi tsuzukeru
Omae wa hashiridasu
Nanika ni owareru you
Ore ga mienai no ka?
Sugu soba ni iro no ni
Kurenai ni somatta kono ore o
Nagusameru yatsu wa mou inai
Mou nido to todokanai kono omoi
Tozasareta ai ni mukai sakebi tsuzukeru
Kurenai ni somatta kono ore o
Nagusameru yatsu wa mou inai
Oh, crying in deep red.

english translation

I couldn't look back, you'd gone away from me.
I felt my heartache, I was afraid of following you.
When I had looked at the shadows on the wall,
I started running into the night to find the truth in me.
A storm blows in, I would embrace you
Even in the blowing wind, my eyes are closed
Maybe something is over
Can't you see me?
If only you were here
The ordinary disappears in the sigh of a memory
With the end of love, the person on the stage expires
All of you in my memory is still shining in my heart.
Passed over, my heart is wet with overflowing tears
I am colored in deep red
A guy to be comforted, I am not
Twice more and these thoughts cannot happen
Perhaps love will continue to scream
I run to you
Maybe something is over
Can't you see me?
If only you were right here
I am colored in deep red
A guy to be comforted, I am not
Twice more and these thoughts cannot happen
Perhaps love will continue to scream
I am colored in deep red
A guy to be comforted, I am not
Oh, crying in deep red.

cell grp was very meaningful for me today.
talks abt diappointments in life and wad not.

anyway, feels fine today. i dun think abt her as much anymore. that's a gd sign.

yesterday xy told me not to worry abt it. and if i cant look at jayce anymore, then big deal. bring around pictures of risa of fuits basket(oh....risa is soo....cute lar! seriously!)and coo at the pic. im like 0_o.

then she said she does that with gackt and bou adn she carries those photos arnd and say: aren't they chio?

*raised eyebrows*

she added that it shldn't be so bad if i use the pic of risa...since most pple would agree taht she is cute.

im like er.....

anyways, sinyi...like i said last year, not to be confused with xy....told me that her exp is similar and that normally the other party doesn't give a damn if u look as if ur suffering. that's wad she does. she always makes herself look as if she's suffering in front of him..i guess....

i mean...deosn't wad she say suggest that?

but for me i understand a this from last year.

1) the more u seem to suffer- the more ur frens think ur weird and get exasperated with u
2) the more u seem to suffer, the crazier the things u say, the scarier the things u say.
3)the more u suffer, the more u cannot pychoi urself to move on
4) the more u seem to suffer, the more it seems that u cannot let go of the inevitable...which means u cannot cont as frens.

plus im sure that she never wanted to hurt me...even tho it seems like a neccessary evil. therefore, so that she wont feel so guilty and wadnot-i'll try not to be disturbed. act as if all that happened between the two of us..never happened. that's my little way of trying to redeem myself. that's my way of apologizing, of saying im sorry. wad do i noe abt her. not much. but my feelings tell me that she's the kind who'll feel guilty if i were hurt bad. that's just a guess. i think she's just too kind(why else do u think she never confronted me abt this issue one on one?)- but in my opinion...to a fault. i mean...i'd rather she be open abt it and tell me.

oh WTF

who cares?

not me anymore.

i have moved on. for real.

./end

T_T

2006-07-07T06:38:00.000-07:00

thurs. that was yesterday. pretended not to be bothered by that. i've gotten over it i told others.

have i?

i dunno.

yesterday i put on a mask. i was looking more cheerful than i normally was. but sinyi was like: anxian are u ok?

why would u ask? of cos im ok....

well u look...D-E-V-A-S-T-A-T-E-D

so she can see thru it.

much as how ichigo tries to look cheerful when his mother's death anniversary comes, i try to look cheerful even tho inside im devastated.

i try to erase her from memory.

fails terrible.

when i let my mind wander, it will lead back to her and i just get very frustrated with myself.

WAD IN THE EARTH IS WRONG!?

and that chapel i couldn't even look at teh stage.

cos she and teh sfc j2s were on stage that chapel.

i couldn't look up.

it's like when i looked to see what was chaple that day, from all of teh pple on stage i can clearly see her face
her eyes, straing down at me,filled with so much anger and disgust. i really cannot look at her anymore. mayeb it's just my illusion.

but im totally sure she hates me now

hate myself....

xy finds it hilarious that i cant see jayce.

she feels taht it's a sense of deja vu.

>_<
T_T

the real folk blues- cowboy bebop

Romaji Lyrics
Aishiteta to nageku ni wa
Amari ni mo toki wa sugi te shimatta
Mada kokoro no hokorobi o
Iyasenumama kaze ga fuiteru
Hitotsu no me de asu o mite
Hitotsu no me de kinou mitsumeteru
Kimi no ai no yurikagode
Mo ichido yasurakani nemuretara
Kawaita hitomi de dareka na itekure
*The real folk blues
Honto no kanashimi ga shiritaidake
Doro no kawa ni sukatta jinsei mo warukuwanai
Ichido kiri de owarunara
Kibou ni michita zetsuboto
Wanagashikakerareteru kono chansu
Nani ga yoku te warui no ka
Koin no omoi to kuramitaita
Dore dake ikireba iyasareru no darou
The real folk blues
Honto no yorokobi ga shiritai dake
Hikaru mono no subete ga ougen to wa kagiranai
* repeat

English Translation
It's too late to cry I love you.
The wind still blowing, my heart still aching
One side of my eyes see tomorrow,
And the other one see yesterday
I hope I could sleep in the cradle of your love, again
Cry for me, somebody, with dry eyes
*The real folk blues
I just want to feel a real sorrow
It's not bad a life in the muddy river
If life is once
Hopeless hope, and the chance with traps
What is right, or wrong
It's like a both side of a coin
How long I must live till I release?
The real folk blues
I just want to feel a real pleasure
All that glitters is not gold
*repeat

Dahlia-x japan

DO NOTHING BUT CRY
DAY AND NIGHT
kako to mirai no hazama de
kawaranai omoi
kirei na uso ni kaete mo... ALL ALONE

hateshinai yozora ni nagareru
namida wo dakishimete... mou ichido
OH MY DAHLIA
kokoro wo yurasu kanashimi wa
kazoe kirenai hoshi ni naru kedo

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO GO
mayoi no naka de hirogeta
kodoku no tsubasa namida no umi wo koetara

YOU'LL SEE BLUE SKY
katachi no nai yume de mo ii
ashita no kaze ni kagashite
habataku... ima

TIME AFTER TIME
YOU TRY TO FIND YOURSELF
nagareru toki no naka de
tenai kizu dakishime
setsunasa no kaze ni mau

DREAM ON YOUR LEFT
DEAD ON YOUR RIGHT
aoi yoru wo dakishimete
ashita wo toikakeru
mujyun darake no kokoro ni... DEAD OR LIVE

eien no ichibyou ni nagareru
namida wo kazaranai de... mou nido to
OH MY DAHLIA
daremo ga motsu kokoro no kizuato ni
nagareru ame wa...

TIME AFTER TIME yoru no sora ni
umareta imi toikakeru
taenai namida no kawa
giniro ni kagayaku made

tsumetai kaze ni fukarete
tobitatenai toritachi ga
sorezore no yume dakishime
yoake no sora wo...

TIME AFTER TIME
YOU CRY IN REALITY
nagareru jikan wo tomete
nagashita namida no kiseki
gensou no hana ga saku

english translation
Do nothing but cry Day and night In a narrow space between past and future Your memories will stay unchanged Even if you turn them into beautiful lies... you're all alone Your tears flow Into an unlimited nocturnal sky... Once more Oh my Dahlia Your heart filled with sorrow Turns into an unfinished number of stars You don't know where You're going to In distress you have deploy your wings of loneliness Beyond an ocean of tears You'll see blue sky Even in a shapeless dream Refugee on the tomorrow's winds Flap your wings... now Time after time You try to find yourself In the time which passes You carry unchanging injuries Which flutter in winds of oppression Dream on your left Dead on your right Embrace the blue night Question your tomorrows In your heart filles with contradiction... dead or alive In a second long like eternity Your tears won't flow Two times Oh my Dahlia For whoever has scars in their heart The rain streams Time after time In the nocturnal sky You question why are you born Until your endless river of tears Shines with a brilliant gold color The icy wind blows The birds what can't fly Carry each one of your dreams Into the daybreak's sky Destiny Alive Heaven Love Innocence Always Destroy Aftermath Hell Life Infinite Time after time You cry in reality The passing time stops Miracle of sheded tears The flowers of your illusions will open out

./end feels akward

how GIRL am i?

2006-07-06T06:15:00.000-07:00

[ ]my fingernails/toenails are almost always painted
[x]during the summer pretty much the only shoes i wear are flip flops
[ ]my favorite toy as a child were barbies
[ ]my favorite color is pink
[ ]i love long hair
[ ]i love skirts
[ ]hollister is my favorite place to shop
[ ]tight jeans are the only jeans i'll wear
[x ]i love chocolate
[ ]my greatest ambition is to become a bride
TOTAL:2
[ ]my hair is straightened
[ ]i have at least 8 friendster pictures
[ ]i usually go shopping once a week
[ ]i love cute guys
[ ]i have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace
[ ]i want to have pink on me everyday
[ ]i wish to die looking pretty
[]i have at least 10 pairs of shoes
[ ]grooming is very important.
[]i want a wonderful weddingTOTAL:0

[]i don't understand why guys can shop like me
[]guys are stupid -not all just me
[x]my cell phone might as well become a part of me
[ ]i wear mascara everyday
[x]i've been or am on a diet
[ ]i hate girls who are slim
[x]i go online everyday
[ ]big sunglasses are hott
[ ]i have gotten my nails done
[ ]i own over 10 purses
TOTAL:3

[ ]MTV is one of my favorite channels
[ ]all i want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys
[ ]i love to have other girls do my hair
[ ]i give and receive hugs from all my friends
[x]i hate bugs, snakes, lizards, spiders-but not scared....just hate them....
[ ]carnivals are so fun!!
[x]i hate the UV rays -skin cancer!
[ ]my swimsuit has 2 pieces
[ ]i'm waiting for my knight in shining armor
[ ]pianists are so hot.TOTAL:2

[x]you write me a poem and tell me i'm beautiful and i'm all yours-yeah rite..like as if that's gonna happen
[x]i am self-conscious.
[x]i cry often
[ ]my car smells like vanilla
[x]my dishes get washed more then once a week-dishes as in dishes dishes? who doesn't wash them at least once a meal cumon?
[ ]i don't do sports
[]i HATE to run
[ ]i squeal when im surprised or angry
[ ]i watched every movie that Linsay Lohan starred in.
[]i love romance novelsTOTAL:4

[ ]Drew Barrymore is so cute
[ ]i dance a lot
[ ]i usually spend over an hour to get ready to leave my house
[ ]i only have like 5 billion hair products
[ ]i love to get dressed up.
[ ]every part of my outfit needs to match
[ ]i talk on the phone at least once a day to my friends
[ ] i would love to have a photo shoot of myself
[ ]price on clothes hardly matters
[ ]i apply lip gloss 50 times a dayTOTAL:0

[ ]i wish i were a mode
l[ ]i wish i could meet Paris Hilton to slap her
[ ]i have been something that was slutty on halloween
[x]i think i'm fat
[]Hip Hop is the best music
[ ]i bitch about alot
[ ]i like to be the center of attention
[ ]guys with Mohawks are crazy
[x]horses are beautiful
[]i'd rather not pay attention in schoolTOTAL:2

[x]puppies are adorable
[]Paris is the best place to shop
[ ]i would love to visit Hawaii
[x]Valentine's day is so cute!
[ ]Fair is better then tan
[ ]i wouldn't be caught dead in all black
[ ]my closet is STOCK FULL of clothes
[ ] i hate the grunge look of a beard
[ ]i love to read gossip magazines
[x]i love to gossipTOTAL:3
[ ]I have Stila,Anna Sui,Lancome or Chanel cosmetics
.[ ]i love Celine dion
[ ]My bubble baths are 2 hr long
[ ]my wedding only needs a groom because it's already planned
[ ]my friends and i are in a strict group. we mostly only hang out with each other
[x]i like kids
[ ]diet drinks are the best
[ ]i'm all about being vegetarian
[x]i refuse to eat at McDonald's
[x]i check my friendster everyday.TOTAL:6

[ ]My life is pink in colour!
[ ]i have a lot of jewlery!
[ ]I watch girly movies
[ ]my screen names have x's in them
[ ]I have more than ten soft toys
[ ]i would never want to be the opposite sex-dude the opposite sex is gals...so i presume i change this to guy?
[x]it's not what he/she said it's the way he/she said it
[ ]i have more than 3 pillows on my bed
[ ]i have a stuffed toy sleeping beside me
[ ] i love tidy and clean placesTOTAL:1

OMG really my female OS is acting up!

20%! and xy only got 16%

T_T

./ u noe it's sad when im more gal then xy...or shall i say thaw

my type of firearm-this one is accurate

2006-07-06T00:31:00.000-07:00

You scored as Assault Rifle. You are soldier. Or you want to be a soldier. Or you just love military-type firearms. You need assault rifle. M16 or AK-47 will do good.

Assault Rifle

94%

Sniper Rifle

75%

Pistol

50%

SMG

44%

Shotgun

25%

Revolver

25%

Machinegun

What Firearm Fits You Best?
created with QuizFarm.com

wad kind of night creature i am....

2006-07-06T00:26:00.000-07:00

You scored as Fallen Angel. You my friend are a Fallen Angel!You were amongst the closest to God, yet love led you down a path of self-destruction. You find yourself crying a lot, because of the pains of this world. Yes it is very crewl, yet you know there isn't a thing you can do about it. Follow your heart and you will find some of your former happiness.

Fallen Angel

33%

Vampire

33%

Black Witch

33%

You are a Vampiric Elf!

You are a Demon

What creature of the night are you you most like? (Pics!!)
created with QuizFarm.com

damn! i wanted vampire! then again...all like 1/3 lorz....

metsumi

2006-07-05T23:58:00.000-07:00

today caleb went to tell the same thing

that means it's VERy serious.

i can only say 1 thing
gomen nasai

hate my self for that dream i had a few days ago.

alos hate myself for being stupid.

and then xy told me the same words when her2 broke off with me. or rejected..wadeva.

'time heals all wounds...'

im like.....this phrase...AGAIN!the heck....

i shall from this day call her thaw..." Time Heals All Wounds"(is that her fav phrase?)

so apt-cos she always wanted to be icy cold

and she replied by saying from now on she'll call me...AFOOL

a fool?

yes...

Always Falling Out Of Love....

so apt...cos i always make such a fool of myself becos of my emotions.

Gazette - Reila
Reila...Deatte kara doredake onaji kizu wo oi
Doredake sasae atta?
Kimi ga tsurai toki ni wa hoka nodare yori
Boku dake ni oshiete hoshikattaJijitsu ga
me ni yakitsuku
Mugon de fudou no kimi wa nani wo omou
Riyuu nado iranai sa
Tada boku no kimi wo kaeshite kurereba
Nokosareta boku yori mu ni natta kimi wa
Dorehodo tsurai darou ka
Mada nanimo hajimattenai no ni
Mada kimi ni kono kotoba ietenai no ni doko e
Reila...
Kimi no na wo yonde mite mo
This voice does not reach you...
Reila...
Me wo akete?? uso da to waratte misete yo...
Ashita wa doko e yukou
Kimi ga nozomu nara doko e demo yuku yo
Kimi wa itsumo sou boku ga omou hodo
Dokoka e itte shimauMata boku wo nokoshi hitori de hashitte yukun da ne
Mou todokanai mou todokanai
Yatto kimi ni aeta no niGaman shiteta mono ga subete afurete
Namida ni natte koboreta
Reila...
Ienakatta kono kotoba wo
Reila...
Ima koko de kimi ni utau yo
Reila...
Dare yori mo kimi wo ai shiteru
Reila...
Ai shiteiru.
ai shiteiru...
Futari ga ita heya ima mo sono mama
Kagi mo kakezu ni
Itsudemo kimi ga kaette koreru you ni
Zutto matteru yo
wakatteru kedo
Ima de mo kimi ga doa wo akeru sugata ga mierun da
Ashita wa kitto kaette kite kureru kana

gazette-anti-pop

choushi ii koto bakka narabete hozaite
SUTEEJI tacha kawai(?) kobutte kobi utte
share dakaka nandaka shira nee keredo kakko wari ze
ouchi ni kaette MOMMY no mune demo mondoke
AND IT DOES NOT COME OUT!
taikutsu datta kinou ni tsuba haite
kisei ni shitagau POP ni nakayubi tatete
yaritai you ni yarusa mawari wa kankei nee ze
buchi kowasou ze IN MY WAY !!

LET’s GO !IT Is OUR TURN!
STAND UP! RISE YOUR FIST!
LET’$ GO IT I$ OUR TURN
DESTRUCTIVE MUSIC YEAH

./ end haiz...all i want now is redemption and forgiveness from her.

mission aborted.

2006-07-05T04:21:00.000-07:00

ok...
why did i listen to munfong then?

stupid me.

shld've stopped then.

but i din.

so now there's a fiasco.

darn u s13... i was expecting u to keep it silent. but u went to tease her

damn u white anxian- why were u so stupid to put those pics up?

crap...munfong why did u have to tell me to hold on...and now tell me the truth...

haiz...

now i have to clean up the mess i made.... crapxxor!

this gives me a few things i will pray for tonite- pray for redemption...pray that she will forgive me and accept me as a platonic fren in the future.- this is gonna be hard.

anyway-to xy, black anxian is back. betcah missed him. now with teh eradication of teh lovesick white anxian, black anxian is back. now darker with teh introduction of visual kei, and even more morbid. he's back with a vengence.

die white anxian!be buried along with those dreams.

well still got frens like charles. that's nice.

and hope i can do soemthing to redeem myself for teh things i've doen wrong.

ex dream- x(anime) produced by larc en ciel

Romaji Lyrics
izure koware yuku kono sekai ni wa
yume ya kibou to ka dou demo ii
kokoro no naka de nemuru kimi wa mezameru koto nai kedo
kaerarenu mirai o sono te de kanjite
Burning for your life
itsuka moetsukiru kono inochi o sasagete mo
(for the perfect dream)
Drowning in my dream
tatoe oborete mo yume wa yume de shika nai
kimi wa star light
hikari afureteku sono sekai ni wa
kimi no tamashii ga michite yuku
mushou no ai o negau tenshi wa mezameru to sugu ni
owari yuku mirai o kono te de uketomete
Burning for my life
itsuka tsukihateru kono inochi wa modoranai
(for the eX dream)
Drowning in your dream
tatoe oborete mo yume no tsuzuki wa doko e
boku wa moon light
Burning for your life
yagate otozureru sono kibou ni kakete demo
(for the perfect dream)
Drowning in my dream
tatoe taorete mo nigedashitari wa shinai
Burning for my life
kesshite mayowanai kono kimochi wa tomaranai
(for the eX dream)
Drowning in your dream
tomo ni tsukisusumu ashita e no michi to naru
bokura wa star light

English Translation
Of this world, the end is coming
Dreams and hopes do not matter
Inside your heart, you are sleeping
but you will not wake up
Feel the hand of a future that cannot be changed
Burning for your life
This life will burn out someday, even if you try to cling to it
(for the perfect dream)
Drowning in my dream
Even if it's remembered, a dream is only a dream
You are star light
In that world, overflowing with shines
Your spirit will die out
Soon after the delivery of love by a wishing angel,
With it's hand, stopping the end of the future
Drowning for my life
Someday it will hit, this life cannot go back
(for the eX dream)
Drowning in your dream
Even if it's remembered, where will the dream continue?
I am moon light
Drowning for your life
A surprise is on the way, even if hope is held on to
(for the perfect dream)
Drowning in my dream
Even if destruction occurs, I will not run away
Drowning for my life
Never undecided, this feeling will not stop
(for the eX dream)
Drowning in your dream
A rushing companion, this will be the road of tomorrow
I am star light

actually just nice- my napfa coming up. this is bound to give me the boost i need to go further. just like how her 2 dumped me last year and i ran 10 mins 50 secs the next morning. im sure that this will push me to go fast. yosh!

of cos if she wants me to disapear from her sights. i can do that. will just learn from splinter cell or metal gear solid haha. cos unfortunately there's soem times i will not be able to avoid her. oh wells. crap. so that would be unavoidable. somehow, i wish she would coem up to me and slap me. slap me hard. wake me up. i dont want this dream anymore. i want reality. i was something real.

ray-gazette
Sakende... koe ga kareru made hikari sasu ano basho made todoke Shisen wa tsubusare nani hitotsu miezu, nani hitotsu kanjinai Tesaguri makase no aimai na keshiki fuan ni taekirezu Hitori kiri ga kowai sogaikan ni kuruu koko kara wa nigerarenai Hidoku atama ga itai hakiki ga tomaranai isso koroshitekure "If these eyes didn't know the ray..." Sakende... koe ga kareru made hikari sasu ano basho made todoke Sakende... nodo ga yakitsuku hodo hikari naki koko kara nigedaseru made omo(i) oshi kakaru no wa fuan to shitsuboukan no mite jibun ga doko no dareka mo dandan wakan naku natte dareka ni sukari ikiteiku no ga konna ni mo tsuraku kurushikute shinda hou ga mashita to nando mo omotteimashita... "If these eyes didn't know the ray..." Sakende... koe ga kareru made hikari sasu ano basho made todoke Sakende... nodo ga yakitsuku hodo hikari naki koko kara nigedaseru made Hikari sasu hou e...

tokyo shijuu-gazette
tousan, kaasan. watashi, ano hito to Tokyo de kurasu koto ni shimashita. baka na koto da to haji jyuubun wakattemasu. Watashi datte mou kodomo jya arimasen. jibun de kangaeremasu. gomen nasai. saigo no wagamama yurushite kudasai…] ai suru hito ga ima no watashi no subete desu anata ga iru kara watashi ga watashi de irareru no ano hi anata kara watasareta tokyo yuki no kippu to uchiakete kureta, shourai to yume wa [kono machi wo dete tokyo de issho ni kurashite kurenai ka?] watashi wa sukoshi tomadoi nagara mo ureshikatta fuan nante sukoshi mo nakatta ai suru hito ga issho desu kara tsurai toki ya sabishii toki mo tashou aru deshou ga tayoru kazoku mo sutete kimashita baka na amae ya miren mo zenbu anata to no atarashii jinsei to yume no tame ni mazushisa ga mi ni shimi wataru dakedo anata ga iru kara kaeri wo matsu jikan saemo shiawase de afureteru kokoro wo komete tsukutta anata ga suki na ryouri yorokobu kao ga hayaku mitai… mitai desu [Tokyo no seikatsu ni mo narete kimashita. ano hito wa mainichi yoruosoku made oshigoto ganbattemasu. Sono sei desyou ka, saikin genki ga nai you ni omoemasu. watashi ga kitte mo, tada kutabireta egao wo miseru dake de kotaete kuremasen. shinpai de shikata nai desu.] [tadaima.] totemo yasashii anata no koe tsurai toki wa itsumo futari de sasae atta donna ni fukou demo futari nara daijyoubu datta ai ga sameta wake jya nai tada otagai no kimochi ga soppo wo muiteta dake hajimete anata ga naiteta shakai ni yabureta yoru nante koe wo kaketara ii ka…oshiete yume no tame ni naku shita shiawase na katei wa mae wo mukezu tada kuyashikute naite iru mazushisa ga mi ni shimiru futari wa te wo totte kisetsu hazure no senkou hanabi wo mitsumeteru kono hidane ga ochite miren ga nakunattara me wo tojite gokkan no umi he… futari de. tsunaida te ga hodokete mu ni naru watashi to anata [anata to sugoshita jyuu san ka getsu kan. hontou ni iroiro arimashita ne. Issyo ni ita kara yoku wakarimasu. ganbari sugite tsukareta desho? mou daijyoubu watashi zutto issho ni iru kara. gomen ne tousan, kaasan. atashi kono hito nashi jya ikite ikenai. shinpai sasete gomen nasai. gomen nasai. gomen nasai…]

./end campaign(mission failed)

now this is the stuff dreams are made of...or at least my dreams....

2006-07-02T09:11:00.000-07:00

well, just the other day i dreamt that.... I WAS HUGGING JAYCE?

yes. it was a dream.altho i must say a gd one. wad happened , where was i? dun rmb. who cares?all i cared abt in the dream was that i was hugging her...

now that's teh stuff my dreams are made of... (i noe many of u are like tsk tsk or tut-tut at this moment in time)

Chiisana Inori; Small Prayer

Romaji Lyrics
Tanoshii yuu ge / saa kakomimashou
Kyou no namida wa / kora / asu no chikara ni shite
LA LA LA / subarashiki / LOVE & LIFE
LA LA LA / ai subeki / LOVE & LIFE
Sei ippai datta ichinichi ni
Sayonara to arigatou
Waratte oemashou
Sore wa chiisa na inori
Haru / hana saki / midori moeru koro
Donna namida mo / hora / kaze ni nagasarete ku
LA LA LA / subarashiki / LOVE & LIFE
LA LA LA / ai subeki / LOVE & LIFE

English Translation
Pleasant Supper, now, let's gather around.
Look to this day's tears to bring tomorrow's strength.
La La La, A wonderful feeling, Love & Life
La La La, Loveable, Love & Life
To the day that was given our best,
Along with a 'goodbye' and 'thank you',
Let's end it smiling,
That is my small prayer.
When the spring flowers bloom,
and the greenery sprouts,
Look, some of the tears
are floating away on the wind!
La La La, A wonderful feeling, Love & Life
La La La, Loveable, Love & Life

for fruits basket
Lyrics & composition: Ritsuko Okazaki
Arranged by: Tatsuya MurayamaChoral
arrangement: Ritsuko Okazaki

Romaji Lyrics
Totemo ureshikatta yo / kimi ga warai kakede ta
Subete o tokasu chou emi de
Haru wa mada tookute / tsumetai tsuchi no naka de
Me fuku toki o matte ta 'n da
Tatoeba kurushii kyou da to shite mo
Kinou no kizu o nokoshite ite mo
Shinjitai / kokoro hodo ite yukere to
Umare kawaru koto wa dekinai yo
Dakedo kawatte wa ikeru kara
LET'S STAY TOGETHER / itsu mo
Boku dake ni waratte / sono yubi de / nee sawatte
Nozomi bakari ga hateshinaku
Yasashiku shitai yo / mou kuyanu you ni
Nageki no umi mo koete ikou
Tatoe kurushii kyou da to shite mo
Itsu ka atatakana omoide ni naru
Kokoro goto subete nage daseta nara
Koko ni ikiteru imi ga wakaru yo
Umare ochita yorokobi o shiru
LET'S STAY TOGETHER / itsu mo
Tatoeba kurushii kyou da to shite mo
Itsu ka atatakana omoide ni naru
Kokoro goto subete nage daseta nara
Koko ni ikiteru imi ga wakaru yo
Umare ochita yorokobi o shiru
LET'S STAY TOGETHER / itsu mo

English Translation
I was so happy, you were laughing
With a smile that melts everything away
Spring is still far away, inside the cold earth,
Waiting for the time to sprout
For instance, even if today is painful
And yesterday's wounds remain
I want to believe that I can free my heart and go on
I cannot be reborn
But I can change as I go on, so
Let's stay together always
Smile only at me and touch me with those fingers
This simple desire is everlasting
I want things to be simple
Let's finally get across this sea of mournful sorrow
For instance, even if today is painful
Someday it will become a warm memory
If you leave everything up to your heart
I understand the meaning our living here
It is to know the joy of having been born
Let's stay together always
For instance, even if today is painful
Someday it will become a warm memory
If you leave everything up to your heart
I understand the meaning our living here
It is to know the joy of having been born
Let's stay together always

./end-it's all a dream

p.s. kisa from fruits basket is SOOOO....cute, esp when she follows tohru likea chick would to a hen........KAWAII~

how i will most probably die...

2006-06-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you want to know hwo you will commit suicide, take a look at your second highest percentage on the bar graphs.

Suicide

100%

Bomb

73%

Disappear

53%

Disease

47%

Accident

40%

Posion

40%

Eaten

40%

Drowning

33%

Stabbed

27%

Natural Causes

27%

Suffocated

20%

Gunshot

20%

Cut Throat

How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com

female os acting up again

2006-06-25T04:42:00.000-07:00

ok heres a weird dream taht i had.

dreamt that i was a mother of two(WTF?)

a boy who's 5-6 years old, and a gal who's 17-18 years old

in the dream my 'husband' dies of a road accident

who is taht guy?

dream never revealed. just as well...it'd cause great distress...

anyways...so this boy here is like ' where did papa go?' and stuff liddat.(note: observe major hughes daughter at teh funeral- as in full metal alchemist adn u'll get wad i mean...)

and im like hugging that boy and comforting him.

now WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT DREAM S'PPOSED TO MEAN?

maybe my female OS is acting up again...O_0

./end

a fill up- the first in a very long time

2006-06-25T04:07:00.000-07:00

how mortifying- exams tml.
not half as mortifying as the fact that schl starts again tml. part of me is happy for i can see jayce again. the other part of me(or rather most of me) is mortified as i get the feeling that things will be very crappy...haiz...

ok fill up!

[x]I have read a book before
[x] I have run more than 2 miles withoutstopping.
[ ] I have been to Canada.
[x] I have been on some sort of sportsteam.(napfa challenge counted annot?)
[x] I have watched cartoons for hoursbefore
[x ] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[x] have fallen down an entire flight ofstairs.
[ ] have been snowboarding/skiing.
[x] I have played ping pong.
[ ] I swam in the ocean.
[ ] I have been on a whale watch.
[x] I have seen fireworks.
[ ] I have seen a shooting star.
[ ] I have seen a meteor shower.
[x] I have almost drowned.
[x] I have been so embarrassed I wantedtodisappear.
[x] I have listened to one cd over & over& overagain.-like all cds lor
[ ] I have had stitch(es).
[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and gotstuck there.
[ ] I have stayed up til 6am doinghomework /projects.
[ ] I currently have a job.
[x] I have been ice skating.-last tiem the spposed class outing where everyone pangseh

[ ] I have been rollerblading.
[x] I have fallen flat on my face.
[x]I have tripped over my own two feet.
[ ] I have been in a fist fight.
[x] I have played videogames/com formore than 3hours straight.-haha yah...12hrs st...half life 2
[x] I have watched The Power Rangersbefore.-yeah as a kid
[x] I do / have attended Church regularly.-why i just went this morning
[x ] I have played truth or dare.
[x] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[x] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[x] I've called someone stupid. Andmeant it.-yeah that mr chong from ndp..urgh
[x] I've been in a verbal argument.
[x] I've cried in school.-very frequently, altho most pple will never see it.
[ ] I've played basketball on a team.
[ ] I've played softball on a team.
[] I've played football on a team.
[x]I've played soccer on a team.-class team lah...sec 2 and 4 inter class soccer
[ ] I've done cheerleading on a team.-urm...im like so negative...cheerleading like not my thing
[ ] I've swam on a team.-more like underwater crawler if it were up to me....(hint i sink like a rock in water)
[ ] I've been swimming more than 20times in mylife.-hello? rock here?
[ ] I've bungee jumped.
[x] I've climbed a rock wall before.
[x] I've lost more than $20.
[x] I've called myself an idiot-or rather i keep going:watashiwa baka desu
[x] I've called someone else an idiot-delon, for suggesting the use of nukes in afghanistan
[x] I've cried myself to sleep-very frequently-for various reasons
[x] I've had (or have) pets.-oh this one janet can testify! the terapin!and teh hamsters, a chick(as in young chicken), a rabbit...
[ ] I've owned a Spice Girls cd. and ortape-urgh no....
[ ] I've owned a Britney Spears cd-eeww
[ ] I've owned an N*Sync cd-urgh
[ ]I've owned a Backstreet Boys cd-gross...
[ ] I've mooned someone-i have no clue wad that means
[ ] I've sworn at someone in authority
[x] I've been in the schoolnewspaper /insights.-as the principal's propaganda tool in the yearbook... urgh...janet shld noe abt this..after all i was featured with teh terapin adn teh principal...details on a later date...or u can ask any person from css.
[ ] I've been on TV
[x]I've eaten sushi.-defintely, love it, esp unagi ones...
[] I've been on the other side of awaterfall
[x] I've watched all of the Lord of theRings movies.
[ ]I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[ ] I've watched the 3 Stooges at leastonce.
[ ] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick &Jessica.
[x] I've watched Looney Tunes before.
[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker-the lockers i have in all my schls i've been to are too small to hold a single person..unless of course u chop him up into many pieces adn stuff it in...
[ ] I've been called a geek.
[x]I've studied hard for a test and got abadgrade.-yeah anything to do with chinese
[x]ve not studied at all for a test andaced it.-last year physics-'oh..tml is physics exams r? now wad time r? 4 pm ok!' study until 6 pm. paper came back A lolz...or Fma test this year...din bother studying cos got other tuts to do...come back...oh! lost only 1 mark...lolz.....tyco like shit liddat
[x] I've met a celebrity / music / TV artist.-yeah, NDP...
[x] I've written poetry.-all rubbish of cos...for lit lessons in sec 1
[ ] I've been arrested-only in that very strange dream of mine....
[] I've been attracted to someone mucholderthan me
[x] I've been tickled till I've cried
[ ] I've tickled someone else until theycried
[x] I've had / have siblings
[ ] I've been to a rock concert-hazi...wanted to go for the jrock concert for st fest...
[x] I've listened to classical music andenjoyed it-maksim counted rite?
[x ] I've been in a play-again lit lesson-a lit project or soemthing
[ ] I've been picked last in gym class
[ ] I've been picked first in gym class or so
[ ] Ive been picked in that middle-rangein gymclass.
[x] I've cried in front of my friend's
[ ]i've read a book longer than 1,000 pages-urm...janes defense weekly and ADJ aren't that long...
[ ] I've freaked out over a sports game
[x] I’ve vomited in public-if schl is public
[ ] I've washed someone else’s vomit
[ ] I’ve ran away-from wad?
[ ] I’ve had a stalker
[ ] I've had a fight with someone on txt
[ ] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face
[ ] I've been on a car accident
[x] I've forgiven someone who has donesomething bad to me
[ ] I've personally seen someone die-only in my dreams
[ ] I've been confronted by a policeofficer but gotaway
[ ] I've lost someone who meant theworldto me
[ ] I've had crashed a party
[ ] I've been a member of a school office-unless u consider 'the schl emergency comm' which is just a fancy way of saying 1st aid reps

./end